I'm not going to be loud and drunk just to get laid.Zimmer wrote:
Disagree. The good ones think they're TOO good for everyone and aren't actually taken in the first place....Gooners wrote:
the good ones go early
Yes, be a bad guy that's loud and rowdy. If you can't do that, then get drunk. Being quiet or slightly funny is gonna get you places.... That end in "zone" and start with "friends".
It's not about getting laid. It's about showing you exist and that you have some "fun" in you. Girls love it. They crave a guy that can do that. I'm not talking about getting laid, I'm talking about relationships and getting laid.Bevo wrote:
I'm not going to be loud and drunk just to get laid.Zimmer wrote:
Disagree. The good ones think they're TOO good for everyone and aren't actually taken in the first place....Gooners wrote:
the good ones go early
Yes, be a bad guy that's loud and rowdy. If you can't do that, then get drunk. Being quiet or slightly funny is gonna get you places.... That end in "zone" and start with "friends".
I got my ex by being rowdy at a house party. Didn't know the group of girls and I just jumped in there, next thing I knew I was talking to her alone. You gotta make yourself heard, be it in whatever way, you cannot be the hot guy who stands in the background and smiles. A girl will automatically think you're taken or that you're a douche or that you're gay.
Meh. I'm active enough especially with my friends about. They all say I'm too picky or my standards are too high; I just refuse to abandon them. I'm not going to get into a relationship with someone I don't find attractive. When I do find a said girl, it's just never worked out.
It will come, honestly. Keep to your standards, but it doesn't hurt to go out and just get off with any girl. It relieves stress.Bevo wrote:
Meh. I'm active enough especially with my friends about. They all say I'm too picky or my standards are too high; I just refuse to abandon them. I'm not going to get into a relationship with someone I don't find attractive. When I do find a said girl, it's just never worked out.
Good things come to those who wait.
Or so we think anyway.
Yeah, if you never try to 'pick up' a girl because you don't find her attractive enough then you're not going to know what you're doing when you meet one that does fit your standards. Practise makes perfect.
What if the difficulty is not knowing what to do but the actual act of doing it? In other words, they know exactly what to do strategically but can't execute tactically? Any advice for someone stuck in that situation?
By this you mean you don't have the balls to try it? Cause if you know what to do, it's really not hard to apply itnukchebi0 wrote:
What if the difficulty is not knowing what to do but the actual act of doing it? In other words, they know exactly what to do strategically but can't execute tactically? Any advice for someone stuck in that situation?
yeah, grow balls pretty much. even I don't have trouble with this one and I'm what most would classify as a "failure"nukchebi0 wrote:
What if the difficulty is not knowing what to do but the actual act of doing it? In other words, they know exactly what to do strategically but can't execute tactically? Any advice for someone stuck in that situation?
You mean you're scared of talking to a girl/girls in general or what?nukchebi0 wrote:
What if the difficulty is not knowing what to do but the actual act of doing it? In other words, they know exactly what to do strategically but can't execute tactically? Any advice for someone stuck in that situation?
JakAttaK wrote:
By this you mean you don't have the balls to try it? Cause if you know what to do, it's really not hard to apply it
I guess...? I mean that I don't talk a lot and am not noisy or attention-grabbing, so it's difficult to do a lot of the advice given here, despite me knowing it's what I should do. I'm definitely not scared off talking to girls, it's just that I suck at carrying conversations on because I don't like talking for the sake of talking (which is all that is). I guess, as a result, they don't really get engaged, which makes it incredibly difficult to get anywhere.ghettoperson wrote:
You mean you're scared of talking to a girl/girls in general or what?
I was exactly the same. I'm normally the quiet one, the listener. It is literally a case of having to not be that person If you want girls to talk to you, you have to talk to them. Alcohol was a bit of a helping hand for me at first, but I don't need to rely on that at all anymore. It's just a matter of starting up a basic conversation, listening to what they say and ask questions about what they say.nukchebi0 wrote:
JakAttaK wrote:
By this you mean you don't have the balls to try it? Cause if you know what to do, it's really not hard to apply itI guess...? I mean that I don't talk a lot and am not noisy or attention-grabbing, so it's difficult to do a lot of the advice given here, despite me knowing it's what I should do. I'm definitely not scared off talking to girls, it's just that I suck at carrying conversations on because I don't like talking for the sake of talking (which is all that is). I guess, as a result, they don't really get engaged, which makes it incredibly difficult to get anywhere.ghettoperson wrote:
You mean you're scared of talking to a girl/girls in general or what?
Last edited by JakAttaK (2010-04-06 15:40:42)
Alcohol then, that gets most people talking. Sad to say it, but it's really, really hard (oooh err) if you don't talk much. That said I was on a date with a girl a few weeks ago, and we got to this awkward silence where we ran out of stuff to talk about, so I kissed her instead and it went from there. So lesson learned, if you can't think of anything to say, stick your tongue down their throats!
EDIT: I should add, like Jak says, once you get a bit more comfortable holding conversations and what not, you don't need to drink, but it gets you going.
EDIT: I should add, like Jak says, once you get a bit more comfortable holding conversations and what not, you don't need to drink, but it gets you going.
Last edited by ghettoperson (2010-04-06 15:44:02)
I try the "ask questions" routine but I can't consciously hold a conversation where it's essentially an interview. It seems so forced to me, as if it is only existing because I am contriving questions to sustain it. Is there a way around that or at some point do I need to contribute something original of my own?
That's the same thing for me, conversation for the sake of it feels stupid and is hard to do.nukchebi0 wrote:
JakAttaK wrote:
By this you mean you don't have the balls to try it? Cause if you know what to do, it's really not hard to apply itI guess...? I mean that I don't talk a lot and am not noisy or attention-grabbing, so it's difficult to do a lot of the advice given here, despite me knowing it's what I should do. I'm definitely not scared off talking to girls, it's just that I suck at carrying conversations on because I don't like talking for the sake of talking (which is all that is). I guess, as a result, they don't really get engaged, which makes it incredibly difficult to get anywhere.ghettoperson wrote:
You mean you're scared of talking to a girl/girls in general or what?
I get that too, lolnukchebi0 wrote:
I try the "ask questions" routine but I can't consciously hold a conversation where it's essentially an interview. It seems so forced to me, as if it is only existing because I am contriving questions to sustain it. Is there a way around that or at some point do I need to contribute something original of my own?
Last edited by _j5689_ (2010-04-06 15:58:26)
I know the feeling, believe me, I've been there. I don't know, it's just like talking to your friends; ask a question about something and find things to relate to, to discuss and move off in tangents. I find often with girls it's really easy and they're happy to talk all day with minimal input from you, but like in the case I mentioned above, she was quite a quiet type of person, so it made it a bit harder and I had to put a lot more effort in. If you can hold a conversation with your friends for an extended period of time, there's no reason why you can't do it with a girl.nukchebi0 wrote:
I try the "ask questions" routine but I can't consciously hold a conversation where it's essentially an interview. It seems so forced to me, as if it is only existing because I am contriving questions to sustain it. Is there a way around that or at some point do I need to contribute something original of my own?
Girls like to be asked stuff about them, so as ghetto said, if you're doing that they will pretty much always carry the conversation. With the whole ask questions thing. I tend to ask the questions about the stuff I actually give a shit about. That way when she answers, I will actually listen, rather than just zone out. As for the interview feeling, just loosen up a bit. There doesn't HAVE to be conversation. It's just the awkward long silences that are a pain.ghettoperson wrote:
I know the feeling, believe me, I've been there. I don't know, it's just like talking to your friends; ask a question about something and find things to relate to, to discuss and move off in tangents. I find often with girls it's really easy and they're happy to talk all day with minimal input from you, but like in the case I mentioned above, she was quite a quiet type of person, so it made it a bit harder and I had to put a lot more effort in. If you can hold a conversation with your friends for an extended period of time, there's no reason why you can't do it with a girl.nukchebi0 wrote:
I try the "ask questions" routine but I can't consciously hold a conversation where it's essentially an interview. It seems so forced to me, as if it is only existing because I am contriving questions to sustain it. Is there a way around that or at some point do I need to contribute something original of my own?
So pauses are fine as long as they aren't lengthy enough to be awkward?
Yeh Obviously, the more your talking the better, cause your probably getting along well if there is no stalling. But you wouldn't be expected to talk ALL the way through a meal for example. Although I'd have said that was fairly obvious. Your gonna need to eat at some point
Conversation isn't always necessary, especially if you're both comfortable.Pulp Fiction wrote:
Mia: Don't you hate that?
Vincent: What?
Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Vincent: I don't know. That's a good question.
Mia: That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
I sometimes feel like I'm being trolled here... Yes, awkward is bad, pauses are fine.
See, that wasn't the conception I'd gotten.ghettoperson wrote:
I sometimes feel like I'm being trolled here... Yes, awkward is bad, pauses are fine.
I meant other social situations such as a party or gathering of some sort, when there is no food involved.JakAttaK wrote:
Yeh Obviously, the more your talking the better, cause your probably getting along well if there is no stalling. But you wouldn't be expected to talk ALL the way through a meal for example. Although I'd have said that was fairly obvious. Your gonna need to eat at some point
Last edited by nukchebi0 (2010-04-06 16:25:22)
Love, attraction, sex, relationships, desire, they are all related at some point but they are still different things.
I don't think you should always date a girl simply because you can, even if you find her attractive. If you are really looking for a girlfriend, you probably should, but this is by no means a rule in general. At present I am in a group with a very good looking girl, cute as well. It is difficult talking to her, because I joined the group late, and because some of the guys in the group get genuinely jumpy about me talking to her (varying from dirty looks to literally dragging me away with lame excuses). I have her number though, and dumping the other guys in a pub I walked her home a few times. I should probably ask her out at this point, but I don't think I will. A clear line of sight and the crosshairs perfectly aligned, I refrain from pulling the trigger. Why? because I simply don't think there is anything else to it.
Decide what you want and what you're going for. I'm getting the impression some replies on the previous few don't match the questions they're supposed to answer.
I don't think you should always date a girl simply because you can, even if you find her attractive. If you are really looking for a girlfriend, you probably should, but this is by no means a rule in general. At present I am in a group with a very good looking girl, cute as well. It is difficult talking to her, because I joined the group late, and because some of the guys in the group get genuinely jumpy about me talking to her (varying from dirty looks to literally dragging me away with lame excuses). I have her number though, and dumping the other guys in a pub I walked her home a few times. I should probably ask her out at this point, but I don't think I will. A clear line of sight and the crosshairs perfectly aligned, I refrain from pulling the trigger. Why? because I simply don't think there is anything else to it.
Decide what you want and what you're going for. I'm getting the impression some replies on the previous few don't match the questions they're supposed to answer.
Might I add to that that silence can have two possible explanations. Either there simply is no click and you are unnecessarily prolonging a conversation that is going nowhere (this goes for all conversations with men and women alike, not just striking up). Or both of you are dedicated to maintain a conversation without substantial material. What I mean to say is that silence can at times be a very strong indication that there is something else there.ghettoperson wrote:
I know the feeling, believe me, I've been there. I don't know, it's just like talking to your friends; ask a question about something and find things to relate to, to discuss and move off in tangents. I find often with girls it's really easy and they're happy to talk all day with minimal input from you, but like in the case I mentioned above, she was quite a quiet type of person, so it made it a bit harder and I had to put a lot more effort in. If you can hold a conversation with your friends for an extended period of time, there's no reason why you can't do it with a girl.
Well the 'mystery man' tactic can work quite well, but is also quite difficult to master, if it even is something that can be mastered at all.Zimmer wrote:
I got my ex by being rowdy at a house party. Didn't know the group of girls and I just jumped in there, next thing I knew I was talking to her alone. You gotta make yourself heard, be it in whatever way, you cannot be the hot guy who stands in the background and smiles. A girl will automatically think you're taken or that you're a douche or that you're gay.
Have a sip of your beer/coffee.
As long as you maintain eye contact during the silence, instead of looking away or looking at your watch, etc., you should be ok.
And I would say, if she maintains eye contact, it may be worth a kiss? Not if you've only just met her. But. Like. Yeh. No. I know what i meant.mtb0minime wrote:
As long as you maintain eye contact during the silence, instead of looking away or looking at your watch, etc., you should be ok.