..teddy..jimmy
Member
+1,393|7088

1927 wrote:

..teddy..jimmy wrote:

"I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring..."

ahahahahahahaha
A mans wife lies in a coma and has done for 8 months now with not much sign of life really.  One day as normal the nurses were giving her a bed bath, they wipe her all over with the sponge keeping her clean.  One of the nurses was new on ward that day without thinking she puts the sponge between the comatosed womans legs and gives it a rub. beeep, beeep.

'Fuck me, you see that?  Do it again'.  So she did  beeep, beeep.  The senior nurse sent the fresh junior nurse out to get the doctor.  'Come quick' she tells him 'you gotta see this'.

They showed the doctor what had happened and he ran straight to the phone to ring the husband and tell him how his wife had given a reaction for the first time in ages.

he rushed to the hospital and the awaiting doctor took him straight into the room.  The doc asked him not to build his hopes up but maybe he could stimulate his wife as the nurses had and she may offer some kind of reaction again.

The staff pulled the curtains to offer some privacy, gave the husband a bowl of warm soapy water and a sponge and sent him on his way.

In he goes, rolls his sleeves up and starts talking to the wife about what he and the kids had done in the last day, this was usual practice for the man.  he's wiping away with the sponge and the machine is beeping like mad.  The door knocks and the man says come in.  Its the doc.

he suggests putting the sponge away and the man to rub his wife's fanny with his hands and maybe insert a finger or two - 'see what happens'.  Hubby agree's and the doc leaves the room.

Again the doc knocks and enters and his wife's reactions have been going non stop, she's fucking loving it and even her eyes have been twitching.  The Doc suggests oral sex and even though the Hubby is reluctant at first he agrees to it as its for 'her' benifit and may just be the thing to bring her out of her sad state.

The doc leaves and the man gets to work,  After a few minutes the alarm starts sounding and his wife has flat lined. 'beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep'.  The man is just getting off the bed when the doors crash open and the medics rush in with de-fib's etc.

'What the fucks happened?' cries the doctor 'what did you do to her?' he adds.

'I dunno' says the husband 'but I think she choked'.
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Red Forman
Banned
+402|5839
cool story
1927
The oldest chav in the world
+2,423|7112|Cardiff, Capital of Wales

Red Forman wrote:

cool story
The true ones are always the best.  They bring a tear to my eye.  I offer Shrek as one example of this.
Uzique
dasein.
+2,865|6909


looks like the cop was wrong I'm not the only one
libertarian benefit collector - anti-academic super-intellectual. http://mixlr.com/the-little-phrase/
Red Forman
Banned
+402|5839
https://static.bf2s.com/files/user/51167/egg%20smash.jpg
bugz
Fission Mailed
+3,311|6751

Morning
1927
The oldest chav in the world
+2,423|7112|Cardiff, Capital of Wales
thats in the county of Swansea, they need all the eggs they can get to feed their kids.
Red Forman
Banned
+402|5839

ebug9 wrote:

Morning
shut up my god
DonFck
Hibernator
+3,227|7070|Finland

..teddy..jimmy wrote:

tis I...just come across the website textfromlastnight....fucking hilarious
Ann-Mari is hot. Put in a good word for me.
I need around tree fiddy.
Uzique
dasein.
+2,865|6909
...OH MY GOD I HAVE MISSED THIS BAND

HOW DID WE EVER DRIFT APART, DEAREST?



it should be a sin to neglect a band like that for so many years.
libertarian benefit collector - anti-academic super-intellectual. http://mixlr.com/the-little-phrase/
Red Forman
Banned
+402|5839

m3thod wrote:

Allah hu Akbar and death to all infidels.
word.  you are an infidel also.
Uzique
dasein.
+2,865|6909
interpol interpol interpol interpol interpol
libertarian benefit collector - anti-academic super-intellectual. http://mixlr.com/the-little-phrase/
liquidat0r
wtf.
+2,223|7066|UK
Not really a fan of Interpol.
Amdi Peter
peut-ĂȘtre
+111|5987|paris
Gooners
Wiki Contributor
+2,700|7071

HEALTH HEALTH HEALTH HEALTH HEALTH
Uzique
dasein.
+2,865|6909
interpol are one of the most important american bands in the last 10 years, in my opinion. give them time and a chance. as soon as you get into their sound you'll find all of their songs so hooky and perfect.

basically reinvented the new york post-punk scene.

that and their bassist comes from an old-school skramz band called hot cross... they're a musical mashpot of talent.
libertarian benefit collector - anti-academic super-intellectual. http://mixlr.com/the-little-phrase/
..teddy..jimmy
Member
+1,393|7088
agreed...interpol are awesome

Random question:

Is it possible to smoke a spliff out of your arse? I was thinking about this and I figured if you stuck it in far enough and farted the vacuum would suck the smoke in and give a massive high.

Thoughts?
Mekstizzle
WALKER
+3,611|7060|London, England

Red Forman wrote:

m3thod wrote:

Allah hu Akbar and death to all infidels.
word.  you are an infidel also.
yeah
Gooners
Wiki Contributor
+2,700|7071

..teddy..jimmy wrote:

agreed...interpol are awesome

Random question:

Is it possible to smoke a spliff out of your arse? I was thinking about this and I figured if you stuck it in far enough and farted the vacuum would suck the smoke in and give a massive high.

Thoughts?
That's absolute genius, you should try it, really
Uzique
dasein.
+2,865|6909
teddy... you're wasted.
libertarian benefit collector - anti-academic super-intellectual. http://mixlr.com/the-little-phrase/
Red Forman
Banned
+402|5839

Mekstizzle wrote:

Red Forman wrote:

m3thod wrote:

Allah hu Akbar and death to all infidels.
word.  you are an infidel also.
yeah
yeah
Gooners
Wiki Contributor
+2,700|7071

fu marine, fu
bugz
Fission Mailed
+3,311|6751

Red Forman wrote:

ebug9 wrote:

Morning
shut up my god
No need to call me god.
1stSFOD-Delta
Mike "The Spooge Gobbler" Morales
+376|6417|Blue Mountain State
fish market
https://www.itwirx.com/other/hksignature.jpg

Baba Booey
Mekstizzle
WALKER
+3,611|7060|London, England

..teddy..jimmy wrote:

agreed...interpol are awesome

Random question:

Is it possible to smoke a spliff out of your arse? I was thinking about this and I figured if you stuck it in far enough and farted the vacuum would suck the smoke in and give a massive high.

Thoughts?
You'd have to fart and then stick it in really quick so that the smoke travels in along with the atmosphere attempting to create an equilibrium within your colon and outside

Otherwise the smoke would just travel out as you farted, and you know how with spliffs you have to keep on relighting it now and then so it wouldn't be as effective, teddy.

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