"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." --- Jacques Chirac, President of France.
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." --- Rush Limbaugh
The history of defeat, ....
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton
The history of surrender, ...
"It's no surprise the French won't help us get Saddam Hussein out of Iraq. They didn't help us get Germany out of France, either. Still, it's essential for them to join us in the war against Iraq. They can teach the Iraqis how to surrender." --- Jay Leno
..., great French Generals, ....
"Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." --- Jay Leno
..., great French Admirals, ...
"French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly." --- Jay Leno 5
..., great French fighter aces, ....
"Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. Figures - just like the French to show up after the hard work has been done." --- Jay Leno
..., great French war hero's, ....
"Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go in reverse. Tanks that only go in reverse - they've been repackaged and sold to France." --- Craig Kilborn
.., French medal of honor, ...
"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" --- Dennis Miller
.., French medal of honour, ...
"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." --- Argus Hamilton
... great French military successes, ...
"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." --- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.
.. the road to victory, ...
"The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies." -- unattributed
..., great French battle plans, ....
Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps?
A: Semper Fi (always first)
Q: What's the motto of the French Army?
A: Stop, drop, and run!
... , yellow coward, ...
FOR SALE:
French Army rifle -- Never fired, only dropped once.
Q : How did the French advertise surplus World War II rifles?
A : "Never fired, only dropped once.
Q : How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A : Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q : How do you cure a French Soldier of Constipation?
A : Give him a rifle.
Q. Why do French soldiers, and I use the term loosely, wear steel toed boots?
A. So when they drop their weapons and surrender they won't break their toes.
Q: Why does Paris plant trees on both sides of the street?
A : So the invading army can walk in the shade on both sides.
Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris?
A: Nobody knows, its never been tried before
Q : How to you get France to surrender?
A : Declare War
Q : Ok, what did the Frenchman say when the Germans invaded France in W.W. II?
A: "Table for 100,000 monsieur?
Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English?
A: Welcome!
Q. How do you introduce yourself in French?
A. "Don't shoot, I give up!"
.., navies, ...
Q : What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French?
A : "Speed bump ahead"
Q : How do you say "Hello" In French?
A : "I Surrender."
Q : How do you know a Frenchman who was "brought up" well?
A : He surrenders without asking.
Q : What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
A : How to surrender in at least 10 languages.
Q : Which French officers are promoted to general the fastest?
A : The ones that can surrender in the most languages.
Q : "What the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes ?
A : Surrender .......... TWICE !!
Q. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A. You can make soldiers out of toast. 5
Q : What is the difference between a French soldier and mustard?
A : One is yellow and runs. The other is good on a hotdog.
Q : Why does Nike like the French Army?
A : Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes.
Q : How many gears in a French tank?
A: Six: five reverse and one forward, in case they are attacked from behind.
Q : Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France.
A : They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
Q : A man asks his companion, "What's the most common French expression"?
A : His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"
Q : What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A : The army.
Q : How can you identify a French war veteran?
A : He's the one with sunburned armpits.
Q : What do you call a Frenchman with a sunburn?
A : Fried chicken
Q : Why do the French never perform "the wave" at a soccer game?
A : Because, that's a gesture reserved for use only in time of war.
Q :Why is good to be French?
A : You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.
Q : Why is a French Army Squad have 5 soldiers?"
A : The first to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing
The second to turn tail and run
The third to roll over
The forth to surrender and snitch
The fifth to pick up a phone and cry to the United States
Q. How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five
one to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing.
the second to turn tail and run.
the third to roll over.
the forth to surrender to the light bulb and snitch out occupied sconces.
and the fifth to pick up a phone and cry to the United States.
Q : How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A : None. They just surrender to the darkness.
Q : How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A : 11--one to try and 10 to surrender.
Q : How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A : None, They give up and wait for someone else to do it for them.
Q: Why do the French call their fighter the *Mirage*?
A: Because it doesn't really exist.
Q :What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert?
A : Mirage
Q : How do you stop a French tank?
A : Shoot the guy pushing.
Q : What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.
Q : Why might the French send troops to the Gulf?
A : To teach the Iraqis how to surrender.
Q : Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A : So the French can show them how to surrender.
Q : Why does the new French navy use glass-bottomed boats?
A : To see the old French navy
Q : What was the only French naval victory?
A : Blowing-up of the Rainbow Warrior in New Zealand.
Q. Why are the French so afraid of war?
A. You would be too if you never won one in your history.
Q : What's the shortest book ever written?
A : "French War Heroes.
Q : What do you call a Frenchman killed defending his country?
A : ... I don't know either, it has never happened!
Q : What is an "oxymoron."
A. : "French war hero"
Q : Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A : Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q : How did the French react to German reunification?
A : They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.
Q : Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq?
A : They don't want their record for surrender broken.
Q : What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in common?
A : Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless.
Q : Why do the French call it the "foreign legion?"
A : They couldn't find any French to join!
Gaelic of or relating to the Gaels or their culture or languages, Gaelic, Goidelic, Any of the Goidelic languages.
The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement:
"We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France.
Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow."
The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and they turned her over to the enemy!
Going to war without the French is like...... WWII
American to Frenchman : "Do you speak German?"
Frenchman : "No."
American : "You're Welcome!
During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." The French general said, "Why to you wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." The British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, and my soldiers will not get scared." The French general said, "That is a very good idea," The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants."
