Tues. May 18/10 Pace51
Much Needed Criticism- Twilight
Alrite. Everybody’s heard of the twilight craze. Well, here are some things about the twilight craze that need to be said.
Twilight is the story of an emotionally unstable emo named Bella, and her adventures with man hunk Edward. The storyline is like this.
Bella forgets to take Ritalin.
Bella makes friends!
Vampire Man hunk Edward finds her to be a vampire-friendly variety of heroin grown with eleven herbs and spices.
They go on fun happy adventures and look at pianos.
Evil vampire man James sees Edward playing baseball; mistakes him for a cubs fan and swears vengeance on Edward
Jacob dies, Edward manages to suck out the poison from Bella without killing her against all odds, like who knew?
. The book is full of events that totally help to speed up the plotline. Nothing adds to the tension of a duel between ferocious vampires like a 2 page detailed description of Bella’s aquiring a 1970’s chevy truck.
Stephanie Meyer is the author. Don’t mess with her. She uses BIG WORDS.
The movie was the cinema equivelant of drinking three quarts of bleach while on LSD.
Well, of course, I tried to contact the Author:
Pace51: Hello, Stefanie Meyer?
Stefanie Meyer: Speaking?
Pace51: Could I talk to you concerning twilight?
Stefanie Meyer: Oh, that would UNDOUBTEDLY spice up this EQUILIBRIUM of thoughts in my head that have been constantly RECURRING. Like a CHASM of OBSCURITY.
Pace51: Are you on something? Alrite. I’ve been doing some research, and I noticed a strange fact. The book series called “The vampire diaries” came out about 20 years before you wrote your book. Both series have Vampires. Each has werewolves. Each has one girl forced to choose between hunks.
Stefanie Meyer: That is correct…
Pace51: But that’s not the strange part. I noticed that the hero of the Vampire diaries was Stefan. The hero of twilight was Edward. But, here’s the weird part. You and Stefan have the same birth dates, the same interests, even the same eye colour for goodness sakes! So my question is-
Pace51: Why do I hear a car starting up?
Stefanie Meyer: Complete CALISTHENICS with your APPENDAGES and run, EDDIE! HE’S ONTO US!
Stefanie Meyer: Phew. We have VANISHED. Now no one will find out about my sex change or SCHITZOPHRENIA so that I can spend ETERNITY with you, Edward!
Pace51: Your phone is still on, you know.
The twilight book has slightly more action than “The last Song”, is more original than a documentary, and reads like the ingredients on the back of a box of Cheerio’s.
However, it teaches us important life lessons:
Pale emo chicks get all the hunks
Spouting gay expressions about bestiality to people while hanging from trees is sexy.
On a concluding note:
Stefanie Meyer should be sued for letting them show Twilight on the big screen. All it takes is one kid with epilepsy to walk into the theatre during the sparkly Edward scene.
Your thoughts on Twilight?
Much Needed Criticism- Twilight
Alrite. Everybody’s heard of the twilight craze. Well, here are some things about the twilight craze that need to be said.
Twilight is the story of an emotionally unstable emo named Bella, and her adventures with man hunk Edward. The storyline is like this.
Bella forgets to take Ritalin.
Bella makes friends!
Vampire Man hunk Edward finds her to be a vampire-friendly variety of heroin grown with eleven herbs and spices.
They go on fun happy adventures and look at pianos.
Evil vampire man James sees Edward playing baseball; mistakes him for a cubs fan and swears vengeance on Edward
Jacob dies, Edward manages to suck out the poison from Bella without killing her against all odds, like who knew?
. The book is full of events that totally help to speed up the plotline. Nothing adds to the tension of a duel between ferocious vampires like a 2 page detailed description of Bella’s aquiring a 1970’s chevy truck.
Stephanie Meyer is the author. Don’t mess with her. She uses BIG WORDS.
The movie was the cinema equivelant of drinking three quarts of bleach while on LSD.
Well, of course, I tried to contact the Author:
Pace51: Hello, Stefanie Meyer?
Stefanie Meyer: Speaking?
Pace51: Could I talk to you concerning twilight?
Stefanie Meyer: Oh, that would UNDOUBTEDLY spice up this EQUILIBRIUM of thoughts in my head that have been constantly RECURRING. Like a CHASM of OBSCURITY.
Pace51: Are you on something? Alrite. I’ve been doing some research, and I noticed a strange fact. The book series called “The vampire diaries” came out about 20 years before you wrote your book. Both series have Vampires. Each has werewolves. Each has one girl forced to choose between hunks.
Stefanie Meyer: That is correct…
Pace51: But that’s not the strange part. I noticed that the hero of the Vampire diaries was Stefan. The hero of twilight was Edward. But, here’s the weird part. You and Stefan have the same birth dates, the same interests, even the same eye colour for goodness sakes! So my question is-
Pace51: Why do I hear a car starting up?
Stefanie Meyer: Complete CALISTHENICS with your APPENDAGES and run, EDDIE! HE’S ONTO US!
Stefanie Meyer: Phew. We have VANISHED. Now no one will find out about my sex change or SCHITZOPHRENIA so that I can spend ETERNITY with you, Edward!
Pace51: Your phone is still on, you know.
The twilight book has slightly more action than “The last Song”, is more original than a documentary, and reads like the ingredients on the back of a box of Cheerio’s.
However, it teaches us important life lessons:
Pale emo chicks get all the hunks
Spouting gay expressions about bestiality to people while hanging from trees is sexy.
On a concluding note:
Stefanie Meyer should be sued for letting them show Twilight on the big screen. All it takes is one kid with epilepsy to walk into the theatre during the sparkly Edward scene.
Your thoughts on Twilight?
Last edited by pace51 (2010-05-18 08:32:35)
