KEN-JENNINGS wrote:
I need some advice-
My ex girlfriend (who I was also a direct manager of at one point) just got accepted into a prestigious grad school program. I was listed as a reference. I don't know if I was listed as a professional reference or personal reference. I am being asked to assess certain characteristics and performance related to leadership and personal development. If I was listed as a professional reference, my answers will not be anonymous. If I was listed as a personal reference, my and others' answers are shown as aggregate. Here's the rub - this girl cheated on me. The last time we saw each other (within the last 6 months) I left her on the side of the road with her luggage. We have literally had zero contact since then. She should hate me. She should not want my input to affect her grad school experience - especially a top rated program in her field.
1) why would she list me as a reference, professional or otherwise?
2) why wouldn't she at least ask if she could put me down as a reference or give me a heads up?
3) what is the right thing to do? Tell them I don't think it's fair to the process itself? Try to give as honest and impartial answers as I can?
I turn to you, oh mighty oracle. Help me, bf2s. You're my only hope.
1) because she probably doesn't have many people to choose from
2) because she didn't think they were actually going to contact you
3) honest and impartial, because it's the right thing to do no matter how much of a shit she is
Think of it as penance for dating a direct report