Report: Majority Of Americans Unprepared For Apocalypse

2006-09-14 12:05:03

#1

CameronPoe: Member; +2,925|6946

America's Finest News Source

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/52708

https://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Majority-of-U.S.-Jump-R.jpg

"One of the few survival measures that fulfills the Institute's recommendations for most catastrophes—natural, manmade, or spiritual—is a mile-deep, lead-lined subterranean vault built to shield a pre-selected breeding group of humans until they can safely return to the planet's surface. However, only two American citizens, both in Idaho, were found to have begun even the most cursory planning stages of this kind of race-preserving chamber." LOL

Last edited by CameronPoe (2006-09-14 12:11:08)

2006-09-14 12:12:32

#2

Bertster7: Confused Pothead; +1,101|6972|SE London

the onion wrote:
"Our survey of households in seven U. S. regions demonstrated that few citizens have bothered to equip themselves with fireproof suits and extinguishers to deal with volcanic upheaval, solar flares, or the Lord's purifying flame,"

"Almost no one is prepared for a sudden shift in the Earth's polarity or the eating of the Sun and moon by evil wolves Skol and Hati during Ragnarok."

So underprepared.

I can hardly believe it, I bet most Americans don't even keep silver bullets for their guns.

Nice site.

2006-09-14 12:14:14

#3

N.A.T.O: The People’s Champion; +59|6831|A drop house

Nothing Wrong in my state YIPEEE im safe from the apocalypse. The one on Texas is good shot or hit by a truck lol.

Last edited by N.A.T.O (2006-09-14 12:15:31)

2006-09-14 12:18:19

#4

Wasder: Resident Emo Hater; +139|7066|Moscow, Russia

haha, gotta get preparing now!

2006-09-14 12:19:08

#5

<BoTM>J_Aero: Qualified Expert; +62|6856|Melbourne - Home of Football

"I just renovated my house with cantilevered leaden cofferdams for increased earthquake and radiation protection, and I'm working on a pantheistic altar to appease the god or gods most likely to return to this world with an insatiable wrath," said Seattle resident Tim Hanson, whose actions were praised in the study as a "highly rare display of prescience and vigilance."

"I installed solar panels and a generator so I could live off the grid for a while," Hanson added. "But it cost so much that now I might not be able to have the altar properly gilded. At least not in time."

He's got it right, +1 for the Onion, another brilliant piece of satire.

Last edited by <BoTM>J_Aero (2006-09-14 12:19:24)

2006-09-14 12:20:11

#6

jsnipy: ...; +3,277|6913|...

The only way anyone can be prepared is coming to grips that life as we know it is a facade. Even with that fact in mind, you will never be fully prepared.

Last edited by jsnipy (2006-09-14 12:20:40)

2006-09-14 12:21:51

#7

Paco_the_Insane: Phorum Phantom; +244|7035|Ohio

wow Cameron with some thing funny. that took me off guard.

2006-09-14 13:18:53

#8

kr@cker: Bringin' Sexy Back!; +581|6940|Southeastern USA

one more reason to move to texas

2006-09-14 16:43:32

#9

King_County_Downy: shitfaced; +2,791|6988|Seattle

Paco_the_Insane wrote:
wow Cameron with some thing funny. that took me off guard.

No doubt. What's this world coming to?

OMG Cameron made a funny!!! WOOT!! Woot!!!

Sober enough to know what I'm doing, drunk enough to really enjoy doing it

2006-09-14 16:44:39

#10

Lasdferret: Member; +16|6874

Ummm, even if were ready, its the Apocalypse. Arent we all supposed to die?

2006-09-14 16:46:34

#11

Ty: Mass Media Casualty; +2,398|7165|Noizyland

Now what with that 'give up' attitude?

[Blinking eyes thing]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/tzyon

2006-09-14 16:49:02

#12

oberst_enzian: Member; +234|7133|melb.au

Lasdferret wrote:
Ummm, even if were ready, its the Apocalypse. Arent we all supposed to die?

winnar!

for comprehending the definition of apocalypse, you win the thread.

2006-09-14 16:51:53

#13

R3v4n: We shall beat to quarters!; +433|6877|Melbourne

Note to self:
Build Nuclear Bunk
Fill with Supplies

~ Do you not know that in the service … one must always choose the lesser of two weevils?

2006-09-14 16:55:26

#14

seymorebutts443: Ready for combat; +211|6986|Belchertown Massachusetts, USA

good ol The Onion. fashoning fake stories to be funny

2006-09-14 17:01:55

#15

iNeedUrFace4Soup: fuck it; +348|6936

I have enough McDonald's coupon books to keep my army of mole people strong for 1000 years.

2006-09-14 17:02:26

#16

S3v3N: lolwut?; +685|6909|Montucky

Paco_the_Insane wrote:
wow Cameron with some thing funny. that took me off guard.

Actually i take it as a sign the Apocalypse is near

2006-09-14 18:04:30

#17

Skruples: Mod Incarnate; +234|7091

And people told me I was crazy when I began work on my mile-deep underground lead-lined bunker. We'll see who has the last laugh now...

2006-09-14 18:07:36

#18

iNeedUrFace4Soup: fuck it; +348|6936

Skruples wrote:
And people told me I was crazy when I began work on my mile-deep underground lead-lined bunker. We'll see who has the last laugh now...

Which will ironically kill you of lead poisoning.

2006-09-14 18:10:26

#19

Spumantiii: pistolero; +147|7073|Canada

good luck. Half the country can't even pronounce the word 'nuclear' that includes the president.

BF2S Forums Report: Majority Of Americans Unprepared For Apocalypse

the onion wrote:

Paco_the_Insane wrote:

Lasdferret wrote:

Paco_the_Insane wrote:

Skruples wrote:

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