Ways to confuse people in the Office
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and run out the room.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the technician on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the office, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
12. Type for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13. Enter the office, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
14. Light candles around your computer before starting.
15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."
16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Oh-please-oh-please-oh-please-oh-please," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
18. Start making out with the person at the desk next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight".
21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
22. Try to stick a memory stick into the 3 1/2" disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
23. Pretend you have gone deaf as the result of drinking your coffee
24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, and then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, and look at the person next to you. Grind some more. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbour’s keyboard as you leave.
28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you...
29. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the office supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
30. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
31. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
32. Assign a musical note to every key (i.e. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
33. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
34. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?” unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
35. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
36. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
37. Talk in slow motion
38. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbour is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbour’s keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbour’s document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
39. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the office supervisor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
40. Stare at the screen of the person next to you, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing; grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
41. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
42. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
43. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang-up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
44. Bring a small tape/mp3/etc player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
45. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
46. Come into the office wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbour, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
47. Run into the office, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
48. Quietly walk into the office with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
49. Come to the office wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them on top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
50. Come in wearing nothing but a grass skirt. Whenever there is processing time required, jump out of the chair and bang an African drum melody on a set of drums while dancing around the computer. If the instructor asks you to stop, do a war scream or two and shake your hand at him. Dance around him-her once or twice, and then walk out.
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and run out the room.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the technician on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the office, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
12. Type for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13. Enter the office, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
14. Light candles around your computer before starting.
15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."
16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Oh-please-oh-please-oh-please-oh-please," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"
18. Start making out with the person at the desk next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight".
21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
22. Try to stick a memory stick into the 3 1/2" disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
23. Pretend you have gone deaf as the result of drinking your coffee
24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, and then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, and look at the person next to you. Grind some more. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbour’s keyboard as you leave.
28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you...
29. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the office supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
30. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
31. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
32. Assign a musical note to every key (i.e. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
33. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
34. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?” unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
35. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
36. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
37. Talk in slow motion
38. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbour is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbour’s keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbour’s document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
39. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the office supervisor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
40. Stare at the screen of the person next to you, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing; grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
41. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
42. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
43. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang-up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
44. Bring a small tape/mp3/etc player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
45. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
46. Come into the office wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbour, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
47. Run into the office, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
48. Quietly walk into the office with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
49. Come to the office wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them on top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
50. Come in wearing nothing but a grass skirt. Whenever there is processing time required, jump out of the chair and bang an African drum melody on a set of drums while dancing around the computer. If the instructor asks you to stop, do a war scream or two and shake your hand at him. Dance around him-her once or twice, and then walk out.