French jokes

2006-10-09 15:12:45

#1

Sh1fty2k5: MacSwedish; +113|7133|Sweden

Ok people, this thread is ideal for posting jokes involving the French! I'll start!

Q. How do you say "Give me liberty or give me death!" in French?
A. I give up.

Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A. Nobody knows. It's never been tried.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The French Army.

Q. Why was the Chunnel built under the English Channel?
A. So the French government could to flee to London.

Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks?
A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: Why do they have trees in Paris?
A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun

Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

Q: What is the first thing you are taught when joining the French army?
A: To say "I surrender" in German

Q: Why was Jesus not born in France?
A: Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

Q: Did you hear about France's new weapons contracts?
A: They gave one to Ace Hardware to produce 250,000 wood sticks...they are still looking for a company to produce 250,000 little white flags.

Q: Where are the brave French soldiers buried?
A: There aren't any so they had to bury some of ours on their soil.

Last edited by Sh1fty2k5 (2006-10-09 15:13:05)

2006-10-09 15:15:34

#2

yuckfou09: hide your terrorists ^,^; +94|7099|Ft. Drum, NY

rofl the ace hardware one!!

2006-10-09 15:18:11

#3

The#1Spot: Member; +105|6962|byah

sad thing is like 90% of its true

2006-10-09 15:18:41

#4

Brasso: member; +1,549|7053

Sh1fty2k5 wrote:
Ok people, this thread is ideal for posting jokes involving the French! I'll start!

Q. How do you say "Give me liberty or give me death!" in French?
A. I give up.

Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A. Nobody knows. It's never been tried.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The French Army.

Q. Why was the Chunnel built under the English Channel?
A. So the French government could to flee to London.

Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks?
A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: Why do they have trees in Paris?
A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun

Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

Q: What is the first thing you are taught when joining the French army?
A: To say "I surrender" in German

Q: Why was Jesus not born in France?
A: Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

Q: Did you hear about France's new weapons contracts?
A: They gave one to Ace Hardware to produce 250,000 wood sticks...they are still looking for a company to produce 250,000 little white flags.

Q: Where are the brave French soldiers buried?
A: There aren't any so they had to bury some of ours on their soil.

Hehe, great post.

"people in ny have a general idea of how to drive. one of the pedals goes forward the other one prevents you from dying"

2006-10-09 15:28:57

#5

FFLink: There is.; +1,380|7114|Devon, England

just the word "France"/"French" makes me burst out laughing...

2006-10-09 15:36:01

#6

Rosse_modest: Member; +76|7199|Antwerp, Flanders

Those are ancient. We should use carbon dating to see how old they really are.

I'm wondering, don't you have any jokes on other countries?

2006-10-09 15:39:38

#7

Sgt_Sieg: "Bow Chicka Bow Wow." The correct way.; +89|7197

Rosse_modest wrote:
Those are ancient. We should use carbon dating to see how old they really are.

I'm wondering, don't you have any jokes on other countries?

Not when you're an American.

2006-10-09 15:41:35

#8

Chou: Member; +737|7213

Did you hear that NASA has found intelligent life in space?
...now they're desperately trying to find some in Sweden.....

2006-10-09 16:44:25

#9

BolvisOculus: Spagett!; +167|7042|Manitowoc, WI

Rosse_modest wrote:
Those are ancient. We should use carbon dating to see how old they really are.

I'm wondering, don't you have any jokes on other countries?

Why make fun of other countries when there is France though?

2006-10-09 16:47:13

#10

Scr0k: A clown killed my dad; +47|6938|Alabama

this one might be the stupidest joke i've ever heard in joke history...of jokes...
don't flame me about how bad it is...(but karma is gladly accepted!)

whats the difference between a french guy and an alcoholic?

an alcoholic isn't always drunk.

2006-10-09 16:50:04

#11

BigmacK: Back from the Dead.; +628|7173|Chicago.

I lol'd, ALOT!

2006-10-09 16:50:16

#12

Superior Mind: (not macbeth); +1,755|7115

lol

x

2006-10-09 17:08:26

#13

cospengle: Member; +140|6910|Armidale, NSW, Australia

Superior Mind wrote:
http://www.strangepolitics.com/images/content/16032.jpg

[/puking]

Bring back the neg Karma !!!!!!

2006-10-09 17:23:54

#14

EricTViking: Yes, I am Queeg; +48|6974|UK

Here's one - French rifle for sale on eBay described as:

"Never fired, dropped once".

2006-10-09 17:26:06

#15

EricTViking: Yes, I am Queeg; +48|6974|UK

Oh, and a quote allegedly by Donald Rumsfeld:

"going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion."

2006-10-10 00:17:58

#16

Sh1fty2k5: MacSwedish; +113|7133|Sweden

Rosse_modest wrote:
Those are ancient. We should use carbon dating to see how old they really are.

I'm wondering, don't you have any jokes on other countries?

Q: Why do they have trees in Washington DC?
A: So the North Koreans can march in the shade instead of the sun

2006-10-10 01:04:05

#17

Vub: The Power of Two; +188|6917|Sydney, Australia

A robber one day decided to rob the Louvre. However, after planning the intricate crime, evading security, stashing the paintings in the back of his van and leaving undetected, he was caught by the police a block away when his van ran out of gas.

When the police found him, they asked him how he could pull off one of the most daring and skilled robberies in the history of human larceny, and still make the simple error of forgetting to fill up on petrol for the getaway, he replied:

"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Last edited by Vub (2006-10-10 01:06:42)

2006-10-10 01:12:22

#18

Chou: Member; +737|7213

Vub wrote:
A robber one day decided to rob the Louvre. However, after planning the intricate crime, evading security, stashing the paintings in the back of his van and leaving undetected, he was caught by the police a block away when his van ran out of gas.

When the police found him, they asked him how he could pull off one of the most daring and skilled robberies in the history of human larceny, and still make the simple error of forgetting to fill up on petrol for the getaway, he replied:

"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Excellent

2006-10-18 18:57:36

#19

doc. josh: Member; +48|6967

heheheheeee

2006-10-18 19:12:42

#20

LT.Victim: Member; +1,175|6985|British Columbia, Canada

----------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
A: A salesman.
----------------------------------------------
Q: Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes?
A: In France.
----------------------------------------------
Q:Why do we need France on the US's side against Saddam and Osama?
A:So the French can show them how to surrender.
----------------------------------------------
Q: How do you brainwash a Frenchman?
A: Fill up his boots with water.
----------------------------------------------
Q: How are French babies born?
A: With their hands up (surrendering).
----------------------------------------------
Q: Why do the French call their fighter the "Mirage"?
A: Because it's never seen in a combat zone.
----------------------------------------------
Q: Why do the French use a lot of bleach on their sheets?
A: So you can see their white flags better.
----------------------------------------------
Q: How did the German conquer France so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the French thought they were leavling.
----------------------------------------------
Q: How did the French react to German reunification?
A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.
----------------------------------------------
Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice medicine?
A: He was caught having sex with some of his patients. It's a shame, he was the best veternnarian in town!
----------------------------------------------
Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it.
----------------------------------------------
A French rifle for sale on ebay:
"It's never been fired and it's been dropped only once."
----------------------------------------------

^{More at http://www.geocities.com/wallacejohnus/}

2006-10-18 19:16:02

#21

PspRpg-7: -; +961|7120

Sh1fty2k5 wrote:
Rosse_modest wrote:
Those are ancient. We should use carbon dating to see how old they really are.

I'm wondering, don't you have any jokes on other countries?
Q: Why do they have trees in Washington DC?
A: So the North Koreans can march in the shade instead of the sun

Right.

2006-10-18 19:17:31

#22

Leprechaun56: Proud Infantry Whore; +31|7007|U.S.A

>How many gears does a french army tank have?
7, 6 for reverse and one for foreword.

Know what the one for foreword is?
in case they get attacked from behind

2006-10-18 19:24:37

#23

Des.Kmal: Member; +917|7041|Atlanta, Georgia, USA

I'm cajun, so FUCK YOU!! jk, i hate the french too... frigin pussies...

i am cajun though.

Last edited by Des.Kmal (2006-10-18 19:24:51)

Add me on Origin for Battlefield 4 fun: DesKmal

2006-10-18 20:16:29

#24

kr@cker: Bringin' Sexy Back!; +581|6972|Southeastern USA

Last edited by kr@cker (2006-10-18 20:16:46)

2006-10-18 21:08:19

#25

Bertster7: Confused Pothead; +1,101|7004|SE London

Rosse_modest wrote:
Those are ancient. We should use carbon dating to see how old they really are.

I'm wondering, don't you have any jokes on other countries?

The oldest one (which dates back to middle english) that I know is "If you want to hide something from a Frenchmen, put it under a bar of soap" - not very good, but the sentiment of historical taunting of the Froggys is always heart warming.

BF2S Forums French jokes

Sh1fty2k5 wrote:

Rosse_modest wrote:

Rosse_modest wrote:

Superior Mind wrote:

Rosse_modest wrote:

Vub wrote:

Sh1fty2k5 wrote:

Rosse_modest wrote:

Rosse_modest wrote:

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