I_invented_BF2
DICE/EA spokesman
+19|6919|denmark
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you, but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see?!

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the damn liar told you I was speeding, too.
RDMC
Enemy Wheelbarrow Spotted..!!
+736|7001|Area 51
Whaha! ROFL...XD
Deadman
Member
+34|6879|England
lmao!
Havok
Nymphomaniac Treatment Specialist
+302|7111|Florida, United States

I've seen something just like it, but it's still funny.
-=AudigyXi=-
Member
+18|7092
hehehehehe
mcgid1
Meh...
+129|7153|Austin, TX/San Antonio, TX
Old joke but still funny
Bertster7
Confused Pothead
+1,101|7018|SE London

Evading speeding tickets is easy. You just have to drive faster than whoever is trying to give you the ticket, or for speed cameras a little over 200mph.
{uscm}Jyden
You likey leaky?
+433|7115|In You Endo- Stoke

Bertster7 wrote:

Evading speeding tickets is easy. You just have to drive faster than whoever is trying to give you the ticket, or for speed cameras a little over 200mph.
Not a good idea if your a confused pothead though.....
https://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c285/JTreesmokin/co4.jpg
I'M FREAKIN OUT!!!!!!

Just drive at the speed limit ,suits me fine lazy pothead...
Bertster7
Confused Pothead
+1,101|7018|SE London

{uscm}Jyden wrote:

Bertster7 wrote:

Evading speeding tickets is easy. You just have to drive faster than whoever is trying to give you the ticket, or for speed cameras a little over 200mph.
Not a good idea if your a confused pothead though.....
http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c285/ … in/co4.jpg
I'M FREAKIN OUT!!!!!!

Just drive at the speed limit ,suits me fine lazy pothead...
Nah. You want to drive fast. Otherwise it takes too long to get anywhere.

I drive at what I think the speed limit should be for the road I'm on. Country lanes I often drive below the speed limit, but on big dual carriageways I drive fast. I reckon 90 is about right for the motorway (when there's relatively light traffic)


Just out of interest what's the speed limit in the US? In my experience American drivers all go really slowly.
Kung Jew
That one mod
+331|7181|Houston, TX
Depends on where in the states you are.  In Texas, specifically Houston, we have a Toll Loop that circles the city.  It's commonly refered to as the Houston Nascar circuit.  I've clocked 135 mph on it before (Boxter '99).

On the way to Colorado Springs, CO, I averaged about 110 mph (you can see cops for miles out there in OK and the TX panhandle. 

I've heard that Monatana is a great place to open 'er up and drive, but the condition of roads would make most cringe at the thought of hitting those ruts any faster than 70 mph.

Any thoughts on the bahn?  I remember driving with Pops on it as a child and watching for sports cars whiz by us at 140 mph +.  Ahh the days of the Countach.  Damn, I'm getting old.

KJ
RoosterCantrell
Goodbye :)
+399|6916|Somewhere else

Living in a small town with a bunch of badge toting yokels that barely passed jr high school, all you need to get out of a ticket is tits. And, the gender probably doesn't matter on that one. 

God bless small town cops!   I love em.   One cop shoots himself for looking at prison time for falsifying police reports, another lost his job for screwing married women in a squad car while on duty, another got  A DUI, off duty. Another trasnferred away, but I found out he had three testicles! Another transferred to a drug task force, and ended up botching a year long investigation for improper use of force during a police raid.  All of the above is the truth and all in my hometown.  A real breed of securtiy there.
FrankieSpankie3388
Hockey Nut
+243|6966|Boston, MA
hahahah awesome, +1
Doperwt.
Anouk, Slayers little bitch
+80|6830|Belgium

Here we just write a letter where we say we weren't speeding:). YOu gotta love the netherlands:P
{uscm}Jyden
You likey leaky?
+433|7115|In You Endo- Stoke

Doperwt. wrote:

Here we just write a letter where we say we weren't speeding:). YOu gotta love the netherlands:P
Dam it wanted a pic of the two gay policemen from harry enfield and friends (there from amsterdam)

But how does that work send them a letter saying it wasn't you and they let you off?
Darky
Hi..
+71|6998|Here.
Lol..

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