OK, I wanna start off by saying that youre in for a read. So if you decide to comment on this thread, please read my entire post. Also, you should know that I'm not an idiot when it comes to women. I'm 22, Ive had 2 really serious relationships and 1 not too serious one, and i've been with several women otherwise. I usually know what to do with any given situation, but I'm completely goddamn lost right now, which is why im reaching out to ppl here of all places.
Anyways, to the story...
So this is a story about my second serious GF. We started dating during her senior year in high school, while I was a sophomore in college. We were very much in love and were really happy together and all that happy bullshit. This went on until next year when she went away to college. Now our schools were 90 miles apart, about a 90 minute drive, and we cared abotu eachother too much to do the whole "break up for college" thing. So we stuck it out. I saw her on the weekends. Either I'd visit her or she'd visit me. And this worked for a while. We had some problems of course, but what relationship doesnt. But there was never anything too serious to get over and move on.
Anyways, at almost the very end of her freshman year of college, things got bad. She cheated on me with some guy (Guy1), and this caused us to break up naturally. We had been dating 18 months. Worse yet, after we broke up, she started dating him. So basically, the first few months of my summer were really shitty. I was very depressed about the whole thing, and had very little contact with her throughout the summer.
So time passed, and things got a little better for me. I thought I had started to move on, you know. Eventually, we started talking again, online, or whatnaught. We saw eachother a few times and it was hard, as I wasnt over her and still had feelings for her. During the summer, she satrted getting into heavy drugs, which I blamed on her new friends and Guy1, since she had been so adamantly opposed to them before. Guy1 turned out to be a scumbag, and hurt her physically on at least one occassion and was very manipulative.
At some point near the beginning of the next school year, there was talk of getting back together, which was still very iffy, cuz I obviously couldnt trust her and the distance was still there. After about a month into the new year, she started dating another guy (Guy2). so I basically said fuck it to any talk of working it out and we didnt talk for a month or longer, and when we did afterwards, it was breif and not very personal. At this point, it had been probably 6 months since we had broken up.
Well, things went on like that for a while, basically up until a month ago. They also broke up, and he turned out to be more of a scumbag than Guy1. Let me say here that this is not my judgement of either guy, but her own.
We did see eachother a few times during this whole period during guy1 and guy2, and it was hard for me most of the time. Every time I saw her, she seemed to be more irritable, less happy, and generally just negative, not the happy girl I used to know her as. On top of all this, she had told me of two things she did durign dating the two guys which I consider, for lack of a better word, slutty. Both of these things happened while she was with one of her new girlfriends who is a total nutcase slut psycho. This again led me to believe that it was her new friends' influence who were to blame her behavior on, and also made me think of how many things she did like that which she ISNT telling me about.
Long story short, up until this point, My opinion of her was dropping drastically with almost every visit and conversation we had, and this was upsetting me a lot. At this point, I had told her that I had forgiven her for her cheating on me and that I just wanted her to lead a better life and be happy. I blamed her friends for her actions and told her to leave her school all the time to get otu of that environment. I really cared about her still, as I considered her a "friend in need" or my lost girl who needed to be rescued.
Well, I saw her this past weekend, and stayed with her for several nights. And from this experience, I draw my confusion and frustration. I've come to several conclusions.
1) I still have strong feelings for her.
2) One part of me wants her back, and the other part wants to smack me for even thinkin that cuz how can I trust her?
3) Her cheating on me still obviously upsets me, so I have clearly not forgiven/accepted the incident.
4) She is incredibly attarctive, and I am very physically attracted to her, and its frustrating that nothing can happen between us at this point.
We want to be something, we want to be at least friends, thats decided between us. But it's so hard for me because part of me wants more than that, and another part of me is still in a rut about everything shes done. I think shes at a point where she is trying to turn her life around. She claims that she knows what she did was wrong, and that I was her best boyfriend and that she misses me, but is also lost as to how we both can move past all of this in homes of someday being more, or at least friends.
So ppl, if you have read this far, I applaude you. I have left out many details cuz if I wrote about everythign in full detail it would be 50 pages. So please lend me your opinion on what I/we can do to move past what has happened, and anything else you may deem necessary to say. Please ask me for details if you need them to suggest something, and again, mature posts only.
Cheers
Anyways, to the story...
So this is a story about my second serious GF. We started dating during her senior year in high school, while I was a sophomore in college. We were very much in love and were really happy together and all that happy bullshit. This went on until next year when she went away to college. Now our schools were 90 miles apart, about a 90 minute drive, and we cared abotu eachother too much to do the whole "break up for college" thing. So we stuck it out. I saw her on the weekends. Either I'd visit her or she'd visit me. And this worked for a while. We had some problems of course, but what relationship doesnt. But there was never anything too serious to get over and move on.
Anyways, at almost the very end of her freshman year of college, things got bad. She cheated on me with some guy (Guy1), and this caused us to break up naturally. We had been dating 18 months. Worse yet, after we broke up, she started dating him. So basically, the first few months of my summer were really shitty. I was very depressed about the whole thing, and had very little contact with her throughout the summer.
So time passed, and things got a little better for me. I thought I had started to move on, you know. Eventually, we started talking again, online, or whatnaught. We saw eachother a few times and it was hard, as I wasnt over her and still had feelings for her. During the summer, she satrted getting into heavy drugs, which I blamed on her new friends and Guy1, since she had been so adamantly opposed to them before. Guy1 turned out to be a scumbag, and hurt her physically on at least one occassion and was very manipulative.
At some point near the beginning of the next school year, there was talk of getting back together, which was still very iffy, cuz I obviously couldnt trust her and the distance was still there. After about a month into the new year, she started dating another guy (Guy2). so I basically said fuck it to any talk of working it out and we didnt talk for a month or longer, and when we did afterwards, it was breif and not very personal. At this point, it had been probably 6 months since we had broken up.
Well, things went on like that for a while, basically up until a month ago. They also broke up, and he turned out to be more of a scumbag than Guy1. Let me say here that this is not my judgement of either guy, but her own.
We did see eachother a few times during this whole period during guy1 and guy2, and it was hard for me most of the time. Every time I saw her, she seemed to be more irritable, less happy, and generally just negative, not the happy girl I used to know her as. On top of all this, she had told me of two things she did durign dating the two guys which I consider, for lack of a better word, slutty. Both of these things happened while she was with one of her new girlfriends who is a total nutcase slut psycho. This again led me to believe that it was her new friends' influence who were to blame her behavior on, and also made me think of how many things she did like that which she ISNT telling me about.
Long story short, up until this point, My opinion of her was dropping drastically with almost every visit and conversation we had, and this was upsetting me a lot. At this point, I had told her that I had forgiven her for her cheating on me and that I just wanted her to lead a better life and be happy. I blamed her friends for her actions and told her to leave her school all the time to get otu of that environment. I really cared about her still, as I considered her a "friend in need" or my lost girl who needed to be rescued.
Well, I saw her this past weekend, and stayed with her for several nights. And from this experience, I draw my confusion and frustration. I've come to several conclusions.
1) I still have strong feelings for her.
2) One part of me wants her back, and the other part wants to smack me for even thinkin that cuz how can I trust her?
3) Her cheating on me still obviously upsets me, so I have clearly not forgiven/accepted the incident.
4) She is incredibly attarctive, and I am very physically attracted to her, and its frustrating that nothing can happen between us at this point.
We want to be something, we want to be at least friends, thats decided between us. But it's so hard for me because part of me wants more than that, and another part of me is still in a rut about everything shes done. I think shes at a point where she is trying to turn her life around. She claims that she knows what she did was wrong, and that I was her best boyfriend and that she misses me, but is also lost as to how we both can move past all of this in homes of someday being more, or at least friends.
So ppl, if you have read this far, I applaude you. I have left out many details cuz if I wrote about everythign in full detail it would be 50 pages. So please lend me your opinion on what I/we can do to move past what has happened, and anything else you may deem necessary to say. Please ask me for details if you need them to suggest something, and again, mature posts only.
Cheers