Well, I decided to write a guide on how to survive a gay roomate after reading this thread,
http://forums.bf2s.com/viewtopic.php?id=60221
Now nevermind the shitty social situation, ignore the blatant homophobia, and move past the OP's clear insecurity with his own sexualtiy, this could happen to ANYONE, EVEN YOU.
So how are you going to survive such awful situation? Read on:
Step 1. IDENTIFY THE SEXUALITY OF YOU'RE ROOMATE.
Major signs include a lisp, womens jeans, an impeccable sense style, having the kids from Laguna Beach in their top 5 on their myspace account, having a myspace account (not to be confused with emo), and lastly but not least being overly affectionate with other males (if their bare legs touch on the couch and it isn't followed by an akward grunt, shifting of their weight, or mentions of "Yeah, uh, good game," that's a red flag!).
Step 2. AWARENESS
Now, as any straight man knows, if a gay guy see's you and he finds out that you're straight, he wants to fuck you. That's right. ALL of them. They all want to have sex with you. In the butt. And that just aint right (unless it's like a chick right? yeah! Yeah anal's cool-if it's a chick...uh, good game...). If you find yourself talking to a gay guy, LOOKOUT! He probably is trying to have sex with you, there would be no other reason for him to ever talk to you.
Step 3. PRECAUTIONS
Simple precations you can take would be the following:
-Make sure your roomate goes to bed before you. That way you'll have the upperhand should any(his) situation(penis) arise(come flying at you in the night like a pink torpedo out of the murky depths)
-Be sure that when you do fall asleep you have your back securely to the wall or that you fall asleep on your back. NEVER EVER FALL ASLEEP ON YOUR STOMACH, THAT IS BASICALLY AN INVITATION, AND HE WILL TAKE IT.
-You may want to set bear traps around your bed, they can be bought fairly cheaply at any local fishing and hunting shop.
-Carrying a 9mm semi automatic pistol wouldn't be going over the line. Just remember to keep it loaded and under your pillow.
Step 4. THE PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE
Now by this time I'm sure that even you know the best precautions may not be enough, that is why, in some cases of EXTREME GAYNESS a pre-emtive strike may be necessary against your flaming roomate. Hazings and beatings would get the point across sure, but they're so crass! No, a man like you has style, your gonna go witht the TAR and FEATHER method. It might kill them, it might not, but on the off chance you do end up talking to the police just explain that he is/was gay and you were just making a pre-empitve strike. That should clear things up nicely.
Well now, if you've followed the steps in this guide, then hopefully your problem is resolved. No longer will you have to worry about being sexed in the butt against your will, no longer will you drop the soap in your own shower and have to continue sans suds. No, you are now FREE.
Edit: Just thought I'd throw in that my roomate's gay and he read this as I was writing it and got a kick out of it. I don't know how he got past the bear traps today though...
http://forums.bf2s.com/viewtopic.php?id=60221
Now nevermind the shitty social situation, ignore the blatant homophobia, and move past the OP's clear insecurity with his own sexualtiy, this could happen to ANYONE, EVEN YOU.
So how are you going to survive such awful situation? Read on:
Step 1. IDENTIFY THE SEXUALITY OF YOU'RE ROOMATE.
Major signs include a lisp, womens jeans, an impeccable sense style, having the kids from Laguna Beach in their top 5 on their myspace account, having a myspace account (not to be confused with emo), and lastly but not least being overly affectionate with other males (if their bare legs touch on the couch and it isn't followed by an akward grunt, shifting of their weight, or mentions of "Yeah, uh, good game," that's a red flag!).
Remember, you can't come out and ask them if they're gay. Homosexuals are NOTORIOUS liars. They are also notorious clothing theives, but so long as you aren't packing girls jeans, then you should be fine. If you are packing girls jeans, sit down and have a nice long talk with this roomate because you two have way more in common then you first thought.switchbladezz wrote:
MY ROOMATE IS GAY. yes, its true, he has a lisp, he hugged a guy, and he sounds gay.
Step 2. AWARENESS
Now, as any straight man knows, if a gay guy see's you and he finds out that you're straight, he wants to fuck you. That's right. ALL of them. They all want to have sex with you. In the butt. And that just aint right (unless it's like a chick right? yeah! Yeah anal's cool-if it's a chick...uh, good game...). If you find yourself talking to a gay guy, LOOKOUT! He probably is trying to have sex with you, there would be no other reason for him to ever talk to you.
Step 3. PRECAUTIONS
Simple precations you can take would be the following:
-Make sure your roomate goes to bed before you. That way you'll have the upperhand should any(his) situation(penis) arise(come flying at you in the night like a pink torpedo out of the murky depths)
-Be sure that when you do fall asleep you have your back securely to the wall or that you fall asleep on your back. NEVER EVER FALL ASLEEP ON YOUR STOMACH, THAT IS BASICALLY AN INVITATION, AND HE WILL TAKE IT.
-You may want to set bear traps around your bed, they can be bought fairly cheaply at any local fishing and hunting shop.
-Carrying a 9mm semi automatic pistol wouldn't be going over the line. Just remember to keep it loaded and under your pillow.
Step 4. THE PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE
Now by this time I'm sure that even you know the best precautions may not be enough, that is why, in some cases of EXTREME GAYNESS a pre-emtive strike may be necessary against your flaming roomate. Hazings and beatings would get the point across sure, but they're so crass! No, a man like you has style, your gonna go witht the TAR and FEATHER method. It might kill them, it might not, but on the off chance you do end up talking to the police just explain that he is/was gay and you were just making a pre-empitve strike. That should clear things up nicely.
Well now, if you've followed the steps in this guide, then hopefully your problem is resolved. No longer will you have to worry about being sexed in the butt against your will, no longer will you drop the soap in your own shower and have to continue sans suds. No, you are now FREE.
You certaintly don't my friend. Good luck and godspeed. I salute you.switchbladezz wrote:
I am 16, and i dont deserve this shit.
Edit: Just thought I'd throw in that my roomate's gay and he read this as I was writing it and got a kick out of it. I don't know how he got past the bear traps today though...
Last edited by AchangelTyreal (2007-01-10 23:35:53)