pippin_death
Devon Dweller
+36|7034|Devon, England
At COMDEX recently, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off!


My personal favourite is:

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
Dragonclaw
Member
+186|6752|Florida
Rofl.
Fancy_Pollux
Connoisseur of Fine Wine
+1,306|7093
My system NEVER crashes and I run a 65% overclock. As I see it, you're basically admitting to your own stupidity and computer incompetence when you make these cliche rants.
jsnipy
...
+3,277|6970|...

GM is so right, thats why their business is going so well (not that they actually said those things).
DonFck
Hibernator
+3,227|7079|Finland

That is funny, but..

1. It's older than a certain Biblical character riding a certain creature from the Jurassic era.
2. You titled it wrong.
I need around tree fiddy.
=Robin-Hood=
A stranger in the dark
+213|7268|Belgium

Funny but not yours

rules wrote:


Plagiarism is not cool. If you find something funny on the vastness of the internets and wish to share it with your fellow bf2s forum goer, GIVE THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR/ARTIST CREDIT! This is a serious offense that will no longer be tolerated.
So add the source or this will get removed.
R
Ilocano
buuuurrrrrrppppp.......
+341|7114

DonFck wrote:

That is funny, but..

1. It's older than a certain Biblical character riding a certain creature from the Jurassic era.
2. You titled it wrong.
And since when has Comdex been "recent"?
Titch2349
iz me!
+358|6799|uk

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

My Computer never crashes

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

Windows Compatibility?

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

Rarely happens, but i admit it does. Currently for me, this is mainly Windows Sidebar that is causing the problems (yes... i have vista)

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

Noes.... I periodically have an MOT, which stops these problems. Its called "Preventive Maintanance" (sp!)

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.

Never had the experience of a mac

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

Ok. Then there is the Event Viewer, but it could be more detailed

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

UAC FTW!

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

Lol.... Happens too often

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

Not really.

10. Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off!

True

-------

Not too accurate, but it was funny to read

Last edited by Titch2349 (2007-02-14 13:04:14)

BolvisOculus
Spagett!
+167|7066|Manitowoc, WI

jsnipy wrote:

GM is so right, thats why their business is going so well (not that they actually said those things).
I don't know how accurate the statement is that GM's business is doing well.
Vilham
Say wat!?
+580|7213|UK
lol at pollux and Titch the Microsoft bum boys that dont realise that Microsoft gives jack shit about them and would screw them over for a couple pennies.
Superslim
BF2s Frat Brother
+211|7139|Calgary

pippin_death wrote:

At COMDEX recently, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off!


My personal favourite is:

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
Funny but this post reminds me of all the BF2 patches..................lol
Hurricane
Banned
+1,153|7078|Washington, DC

BolvisOculus wrote:

jsnipy wrote:

GM is so right, thats why their business is going so well (not that they actually said those things).
I don't know how accurate the statement is that GM's business is doing well.
I think he was being sarcastic.
LaidBackNinja
Pony Slaystation
+343|7156|Charlie One Alpha

Fancy_Pollux wrote:

My system NEVER crashes and I run a 65% overclock. As I see it, you're basically admitting to your own stupidity and computer incompetence when you make these cliche rants.
Could you be any more anal about some funny thing somebody pasted here for our amusement?
"If you want a vision of the future, imagine SecuROM slapping your face with its dick -- forever." -George Orwell
Ender2309
has joined the GOP
+470|7018|USA

Fancy_Pollux wrote:

My system NEVER crashes and I run a 65% overclock. As I see it, you're basically admitting to your own stupidity and computer incompetence when you make these cliche rants.
he pulled a "you"

thats an email i've read several times.
Stingray24
Proud member of the vast right-wing conspiracy
+1,060|6892|The Land of Scott Walker

=Robin-Hood= wrote:

Funny but not yours

rules wrote:

Plagiarism is not cool. If you find something funny on the vastness of the internets and wish to share it with your fellow bf2s forum goer, GIVE THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR/ARTIST CREDIT! This is a serious offense that will no longer be tolerated.
So add the source or this will get removed.
R
The guy posted GM's response, hence GM is the source.  Nowhere did he claim the list is his own.  Lighten up. 
LaidBackNinja
Pony Slaystation
+343|7156|Charlie One Alpha

Stingray24 wrote:

=Robin-Hood= wrote:

Funny but not yours

rules wrote:

Plagiarism is not cool. If you find something funny on the vastness of the internets and wish to share it with your fellow bf2s forum goer, GIVE THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR/ARTIST CREDIT! This is a serious offense that will no longer be tolerated.
So add the source or this will get removed.
R
The guy posted GM's response, hence GM is the source.  Nowhere did he claim the list is his own.  Lighten up. 
That's my main gripe with this community. Sometimes it seems as if everybody is trying to be as big an asshole as possible. Someone comes here and posts something funny for our amusement, and instead of thanking him we call him an idiot, or get anal about something else. If you don't think it's funny, then don't read it.

At Bf2s.com:
Being an asshole = win
Being helpful = fail
"If you want a vision of the future, imagine SecuROM slapping your face with its dick -- forever." -George Orwell
Ganko_06
Laughter with an S
+167|7092|Camoran's Paradise
I don't think the list really characterize Microsoft.  Maybe a few but I think the boys at GM bought some bargan Dell computers.  Those things are so screwed up after Dell is done with them, I sometimes wonder how they run at all.

Last edited by Ganko_06 (2007-02-14 18:19:37)

Fancy_Pollux
Connoisseur of Fine Wine
+1,306|7093

Ganko_06 wrote:

I don't think the list really characterize Microsoft.  Maybe a few but I think the boys at GM bought some bargan Dell computers.  Those things are so screwed up after Dell is done with them, I sometimes wonder how they run at all.
That and people have a tendency to click on every little ad they see and install .exe porn.
BolvisOculus
Spagett!
+167|7066|Manitowoc, WI

Hurricane wrote:

BolvisOculus wrote:

jsnipy wrote:

GM is so right, thats why their business is going so well (not that they actually said those things).
I don't know how accurate the statement is that GM's business is doing well.
I think he was being sarcastic.
Doh!
AchangelTyreal
360 owns my soul
+31|6956|Behind You
Just remember guys, you need Pollux's permission to post something that you recieved in an email, as he is the master of this.
Ganko_06
Laughter with an S
+167|7092|Camoran's Paradise

Fancy_Pollux wrote:

Ganko_06 wrote:

I don't think the list really characterize Microsoft.  Maybe a few but I think the boys at GM bought some bargan Dell computers.  Those things are so screwed up after Dell is done with them, I sometimes wonder how they run at all.
That and people have a tendency to click on every little ad they see and install .exe porn.
Yes.  That too.  In light of the remarks against Microsoft's engineers, I feel I must make a rant about GM's:

I own a GM.  More specifically a 2004 Chevy Colorado.  The other day my ABS light starts blaring in my face saying that THE BRAKES ARE GOING TO FAIL!!  DANGER DANGER!!  Then it starts making all kinds of lovely noises when I engage the brake after immedietaly after start-up. 

Anyway, I take it to a mechanic who tells me that the problem is just a wheel sensor that has gone bad.  I think "Oh, that's not so bad.  A little electric sensor can't be that expensive."  WRONG.  Apparently the genius engineers at GM decided to make the back part of the hub AND the little sensor one inseperal piece bringing the grand total of a little electiric part to $500 (US).  WHAT THE HELL!!  Now until I can scrounge an extra $500 I have to endure random noises and feelings like I'm forcing the transmission through meat grinder.  Thank you GM.  I can't wait to get back to Toyota.
/rant.

Last edited by Ganko_06 (2007-02-14 18:36:26)

jsnipy
...
+3,277|6970|...

BolvisOculus wrote:

Hurricane wrote:

BolvisOculus wrote:


I don't know how accurate the statement is that GM's business is doing well.
I think he was being sarcastic.
Doh!
sarcasm confirmed
Jamalen
Member
+2|7191|Shetland Islands
This one is amusing, but I first read it back in 1996 or so.. back when people where running Windows95 and NT4..

WindowsXP has kinda killed off the "Microsoft Software is unstable shite" joke a little...
MagikTrik
yes.....but your still gay
+138|6818|Pittsburgh, PA USA

Fancy_Pollux wrote:

Ganko_06 wrote:

I don't think the list really characterize Microsoft.  Maybe a few but I think the boys at GM bought some bargan Dell computers.  Those things are so screwed up after Dell is done with them, I sometimes wonder how they run at all.
That and people have a tendency to click on every little ad they see and install .exe porn.
So lolvirus.exe isn't really free porn?
Volatile
Member
+252|7152|Sextupling in Empire

Board footer

Privacy Policy - © 2025 Jeff Minard