Step 1: Damage Control
If you know the authorities or snoops are on to whatever you did, beat them to the punch and tell everyone you did it first. This way you look admirable and sorry. After all, as long as your sorry, right?
Step 2: Release Generic Statement
After you have revealed your folly to the world, all you need to do now is make a generic apology statement. It may read as follows:
After this, make sure you do all and every interview available to you, especially Larry King Live and Good Morning America. Be sure to repeat your apology statement but paraphrase to add personality and sincereness. Cry for added effect.
Step 4: Wait 2 Years, Repeat Crime
The American people only have an attention span of about 2 years. If you want to repeat your crime, this is the minimal amount of time you should wait before attempting it again.
This method has been proven by pretty much everyone who has been in trouble in the last ten years. The ones that it didn't work for get a presidential pardon.
If you know the authorities or snoops are on to whatever you did, beat them to the punch and tell everyone you did it first. This way you look admirable and sorry. After all, as long as your sorry, right?
Step 2: Release Generic Statement
After you have revealed your folly to the world, all you need to do now is make a generic apology statement. It may read as follows:
Step 3: Press, Press, PressPerson In Trouble wrote:
I state your name have made a grave and serious mistake. I have insert crime here, I take full responsibility and apologize for my actions. I would also like to vow that this sort of thing will never happen again and to ensure this I will be attending insert "therapy", "counseling", or "rehab" here. I would also like to say that since this has happened and since the added amount of emotional stress that I have finally after insert age found insert religious figure here (a.k.a Jesus, God, Allah, Flying Spaghetti Monster). With the aid of my family, friends and God, I hope to defeat this burden of evil inside of me and better myself to insert job title here.
After this, make sure you do all and every interview available to you, especially Larry King Live and Good Morning America. Be sure to repeat your apology statement but paraphrase to add personality and sincereness. Cry for added effect.
Step 4: Wait 2 Years, Repeat Crime
The American people only have an attention span of about 2 years. If you want to repeat your crime, this is the minimal amount of time you should wait before attempting it again.
This method has been proven by pretty much everyone who has been in trouble in the last ten years. The ones that it didn't work for get a presidential pardon.
