BF2S Forums Writer's Corner: Your Book Excerpt (requires ability to write prose)

Funky_Finny wrote:

I don't get it.


Write a short story with those titles?

OrangeHound wrote:

Funky_Finny wrote:

I don't get it.


Write a short story with those titles?

"Excerpt" ... pretend as if you've written a 200 page book ... flip to one of your imaginary pages and write down the text from one of the paragraphs.

Of course, it is imperative to first survey the group to which you will be addressing.  Ideally, the person or persons will have limited knowledge of the subject, and will likely accept your claims as fact.  It would be best to avoid confrontations with experts or other well educated people, as they are likely to rapidly identify your farce, and this may lead to a rather awkward (and possibly damaging) situation.

To identify the nature of the group, first allow all other group members to comment on the subject.  This method also serves to help you obtain some basic information and helpful terms for your "presentation".  To do this, make note of the type and frequency of terms used, and attempt to mirror this style later on.  As you will learn later, it is entirely acceptable to use a term for which you do not know the definition, as long as it remains in a context similar to the previous statements.  Once the group members have stopped giving their initial statements, classify them into one of four categories:

1: The Expert.
This speaker has an in depth knowledge of the subject, and may be looking to show off, or simply engage in a debate.  The expert can be a valuable source of technical terms and information, but it is absolutely necessary to avoid direct conversation with one after you have begun speaking.  if possible, prevent the expert from having the first words after your speech is over.

2: The Everybody
This person likely knows little about the subject, and is unlikely to be a viable source of information, but will provide an excellent audience.  They may know enough about the subject to have a prior reference to your more technical statements, and will likely agree to avoid looking foolish.  They are more likely to agree if one or more experts are present, to avoid embarrassment, this reflex can be invaluable in the event of a challenge by an expert.

3: The Dimwit
Unlike the previous two, this person has no knowledge of the subject, or anything else.  They are easy to convince, but are less likely to join in a debate against the expert.  Be weary when enlisting the help of a dimwit.

4: The Liar
Often mistaken for an expert, this person knows next to nothing about the subject, but may pretend to be highly versed.  If possible, avoid the liar, as this will result in a back and forth exchange of meaningless scientific jargon that is not easily stopped.  To thwart a liar, persuade one of more everybodys to your side of the argument.

Twenty Ways to Kill Someone With a Keyboard wrote:

Throughout this book I have talked about ways of physically killing and maiming the opposition with a common keyboard apparatus, including the use of the springs to form a series of lethal puncture wounds and detailing the use of the  cord to first trap a large mammal and then tie down the victim to be violently mauled by said large mammal. We have even discussed how to use a large group of primates with an equal number of keyboard controlled word processors to create effective propaganda and indirectly incite a riot against your foe while simultaneously rewriting the complete works of Shakespeare. For this last point however I have a special treat, how to kill a man with the mere thought of a keyboard.

The first job is to lure them into the appropriate environment, one where the innocuous keyboard can become an integral part of the subject's life. An ideal setting is depicted below:



Note the barrenness of the confinement space and close proximity to additional victims. Also see that the subject is not physically confined to the area, but is held rather by an abstract ideal. The ability to purchase nutrition, for example. The subject is allowed to come and go according to the demands of a supervisors, at first reasonably, but it is important that over time the subject is held in the confinement area for longer and longer periods. Possible containment techniques include, but are not limited to, an impending presentation, imminent project deadlines, or insufficient email output.

Slowly introduce additional stress into the subject by forcing him to stay in the confinement area for longer periods of time with less rewards. Take away seemingly insignificant things like hot coffee all day or the occasional free pizza. The key is to slowly make the subject more and more irrational, without directing the anger at any one object. To intensify this stress at the keyboard specifically, begin removing insignificant keys one at a time. Keys such as the arrow keys, page down, caps lock, etc. Supply a new keyboard if asked, but before the last step make sure that the subject knows there are no extra keyboards at their disposal, preferably because you needed to take three home to use there. Then remove a vital key, bonus points for one needed for their password or a favorite game. If appropriately set up, this should force the victim to take drastic action against themselves, using the keyboard either as a blunt object or a noose. You can now sit back and watch as the victim does your dirty work for you, and oh how satisfying it will be!