so here we go, one more time.
friday i went and got everything signed for the divorce and now it is finalized. that was pretty hellish....she was crying the entire time, and i had to maintain this front of not sitting down...not taking off my glasses....doing my fucking best to not bust into tears and hold her and tell her everything will be ok. its not my place anymore, even though it still felt like it was.
friday night i went and self medicated, though i showed restraint, and didnt get shitfaced. btw, divorce papers get you MANY free drink offers at the bar.
saturday i went to the lake, and then took a date to the snoop/311 concert. that was interesting, as i saw almost ALL of my friends there....ya, they were pretty fucked up, so it got embarrassing at times.
yesterday was the fun day though.
it was THE last time i will see her in my life....the last time i will hear her voice.
now that was fucked up man.
we sat and talked for about forty minutes, smoked one last time, and then had to walk away from each other forever.
even typing it right now makes my stomach hurt, but thats life. you cant let it beat you up....we got to say everything we wanted too. we hugged for awhile, and i saw four years of my life flash in front of my eyes. suddenly my recent success isnt as cool as it was....the only person im worried about knowing, cant. she will read about me...thats all.
i maintained while i was in front of her...but the second i cleared her street i was in tears. i wound up beating my steering wheel until a section of it bent in, and my ring collapsed on my finger. now there is this red, swollen semi-circle around my finger lol.
ya, thats not really my style, but i had no other way to deal at that moment. i wanted to cause as much damage and destruction as i could.....
anyway, thanks for reading...theres really nothing to say, as its just life, and sometimes our dreams truly float like anchors.
plus, ive made it through far worse...its just hard to keep in perspective right now.
friday i went and got everything signed for the divorce and now it is finalized. that was pretty hellish....she was crying the entire time, and i had to maintain this front of not sitting down...not taking off my glasses....doing my fucking best to not bust into tears and hold her and tell her everything will be ok. its not my place anymore, even though it still felt like it was.
friday night i went and self medicated, though i showed restraint, and didnt get shitfaced. btw, divorce papers get you MANY free drink offers at the bar.
saturday i went to the lake, and then took a date to the snoop/311 concert. that was interesting, as i saw almost ALL of my friends there....ya, they were pretty fucked up, so it got embarrassing at times.
yesterday was the fun day though.
it was THE last time i will see her in my life....the last time i will hear her voice.
now that was fucked up man.
we sat and talked for about forty minutes, smoked one last time, and then had to walk away from each other forever.
even typing it right now makes my stomach hurt, but thats life. you cant let it beat you up....we got to say everything we wanted too. we hugged for awhile, and i saw four years of my life flash in front of my eyes. suddenly my recent success isnt as cool as it was....the only person im worried about knowing, cant. she will read about me...thats all.
i maintained while i was in front of her...but the second i cleared her street i was in tears. i wound up beating my steering wheel until a section of it bent in, and my ring collapsed on my finger. now there is this red, swollen semi-circle around my finger lol.
ya, thats not really my style, but i had no other way to deal at that moment. i wanted to cause as much damage and destruction as i could.....
anyway, thanks for reading...theres really nothing to say, as its just life, and sometimes our dreams truly float like anchors.
plus, ive made it through far worse...its just hard to keep in perspective right now.
