unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+2,072|7210|PNW

Thomas Piece-of-horseshit.

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just going to be brutally honest. Once upon a time, low-cal beverages used to be labeled like Hybrid SUV's, with giant bubbly letters and cliched clipart. Now it borders on the subliminal.

After a long hard day of setting up 400 pound shelving units, I'm plodding through the supermarket, and to my right is a six-bottle tote of Black Cherry Thomas Kemper Soda. Oh, happy day! Yes! No...

One sip immediately put me in mind of licking between the toes of Elmer Fudd's muddy, sweat-encrusted feet. So I examine the bottle more closely. Whoops, the wrapper is more of a white than the normal red. A miniscule proclaimation on the top decries its low calorie status. Fair enough, but expecting the worst, I inspect the ingredients: Sucralose. Now I can take the maltodextrin and sodium benzoate, but why does this stuff have to constantly gnaw its way into my diet?

Other quips on the bottle include such gems as '10 delightful little calories' and 'one nice, big suprise.' Yeah, that's right, 'suck it all down, perverts.' 'One honey of a Black Cherry soda.' More like 'one honey of camel ballsap.'

All this was only 10 minutes ago, and I still have 5.45 bottles to go, which isn't even enough for a weedkiller additive.  I've downed two Vernors ginger ales, chewed an aspirin and am munching my way into a box of raisins as I type. I can still feel the stuff roiling in my stomach, and from my taste buds to the back of my throat still lingers chemical violation.

Fuck sucralose, fuck aspartame and fuck all artificial sweeteners. If I didn't want excess sugar, I wouldn't be drinking motherfucking soda pop, so fuck you and your trojan bullshit, Thomas Kemper. I think I'm going to throw up.

https://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y76/unnamednewbie13/artificialbullshit.jpg
Holy fucking shit. Fuck off!

Last edited by unnamednewbie13 (2009-02-08 03:23:07)

Cheez
Herman is a warmaphrodite
+1,027|6877|King Of The Islands

Too right m8. Fuck everyone drinking Coke Zero cause it's "healthier", wtf, it's Coke.

Also, it tastes like ass and makes my throat furry.
My state was founded by Batman. Your opinion is invalid.
Metal-Eater-GR
I can haz titanium paancakez?
+490|6711
Whats funny is when you see fat ladies acompanying their Mcdonald meal with a coke zero.
Fenris_GreyClaw
Real Хорошо
+826|6958|Adelaide, South Australia

https://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j34/Nachtefuchs/Phone%20Pics/Redundant.jpg
Tehremos
Parcel of ol' Crams
+128|6847|Somersetshire
I prefer Coke Zero
Cheez
Herman is a warmaphrodite
+1,027|6877|King Of The Islands

Someone needs to make a SlimFast+Lard combo deal.
My state was founded by Batman. Your opinion is invalid.
aerodynamic
FOCKING HELL
+241|6192|Roma

Cheez wrote:

Too right m8. Fuck everyone drinking Coke Zero cause it's "healthier", wtf, it's Coke.

Also, it tastes like ass and makes my throat furry.
i don't know why but sometimes coke zero tastes better than the normal one.
But still the glass bottle coke tastes like heaven.
https://bf3s.com/sigs/8ea27f2d75b353b0a18b096ed75ec5e142da7cc2.png
AussieReaper
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
+5,761|6591|what

Your okay with sodium benzoate?
https://i.imgur.com/maVpUMN.png
Sidsnot
Banned
+93|6001|Stoke, England
I hate Coke Zero and Diet Coke, Coke ftw
Kez
Member
+778|6142|London, UK
Pepsi MAX > every other piece of shit
Varegg
Support fanatic :-)
+2,206|7249|Nårvei

Metal-Eater-GR wrote:

Whats funny is when you see fat ladies acompanying their Mcdonald meal with a coke zero.
Having Diet and Coca Cola on the same bottle should be outlawed tbh ... why fat people doens't understand NOT drinking soda to all meals could actually help them loose a few ...
Wait behind the line ..............................................................
Cheez
Herman is a warmaphrodite
+1,027|6877|King Of The Islands

TheAussieReaper wrote:

Your okay with sodium benzoate?
The froghurt is also cursed.
My state was founded by Batman. Your opinion is invalid.
SgtHeihn
Should have ducked
+394|6926|Ham Lake, MN (Fucking Cold)
I always loved when I worked at Burger King in HS and people would get a dbl whopper w/cheese and bacon (making it a heart attack on a bun) then they would order a diet pop.
DrunkFace
Germans did 911
+427|7120|Disaster Free Zone
Cola of any brand is my least favourite of any soft drink, and anything 'diet' is even worse.
Spoiler (highlight to read):
Exceptions may apply
I don't think I have bought a cola drink for at least 8 years now, and only drink the stuff if offered to me.
Locoloki
I got Mug 222 at Gritty's!!!!
+216|7079|Your moms bedroom
i drink diet mt. dew, it gets me wired
Brasso
member
+1,549|7069

diet anything fucking sucks.  although diet pepsi with lime comes very close to tasting like regular pepsi.  which still fucking sucks.

i like my coke from south america.  pure cane sugar, in a glass bottle complete with bottlecap please.

Last edited by haffeysucks (2009-02-08 19:41:48)

"people in ny have a general idea of how to drive. one of the pedals goes forward the other one prevents you from dying"
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+2,072|7210|PNW

TheAussieReaper wrote:

Your okay with sodium benzoate?
I'm fine with it, as long as it isn't bundled with potassium benzoate and vitamin C. It's in too many of our foods to bother slicing it out of a diet.

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