“The ADF, is by far, the best fightin' force I have ever battled with. That includes the peace lovin' pygmies.”
~ Blackadder on the Australian Defence Force
The Australian Defence Force was founded in 1962 in response to the Vietnam War, because it was thought that if America lost the war, Australia might need to defend itself from the 'Bad Loser' America. The executives of this organisation is often seen tryin' to extract members from Who Wants to be a Millionaire? to increase fundin'. It employs a full time extortion wing in the Hexagon.
Duty
In its 453,078 page mission statement, the ADF lists its main aims as 'shootin' boat people out of the water' and 'spikin' the New Zealand's water supply'. They regularly shoot people who 'look foreign' and who 'smell funny'.
Often those who try to complain about the faults of the ADF are found the next mornin' in pieces on train tracks with a note sayin' how the ADF does a spiffin' job.
It was stated "Those Damn Indos, stealin' our fish, but nothin' says 'Drop it peasanty!' like an AIM-7 Sparrow missile!!! Ahaa! Ahhh! Oh... ".
FRSA
Motto: "Lest we remember"
The Farkin' Royal 'Straylian Army, is founded in 190 AD by Aboriginal tribes in the east, and was devoted in killin' and huntin' (enemies, of course).
FRSN
Motto: "It's not gay if you're underway"
The Farkin' Royal 'Stralyan Navy is devoted to killin' refugees and being showffs, as you can see from their adverts when they simply hijack the boat loaded with drugs in 15 seconds. Their commander, Vice Admiral 'Crocodile' Johnson is often found washed up on beaches with the words 'I've been mutinied' tattooed on his forehead. He is the single largest user of laser tattoo removal, with Angelina Jolie comin' a close second.
FRSAF
Motto: "Wheres my latte?"
The Farkin' Royal 'Stralyan Air Force, founded in 34BC and commanded by Air Chief Marshal Gazza Smith consists of fifteen squadrons of antique aircraft, from the F-111C Tactical Strike Aircraft to the B-17 Peacemaker Strategic Bomber to the F/A-18 Hornet.
The RRSAF is split into several Commands, each responsible for a separate part of the FRSAF's mission:
Fightin' Command (Air Vice Marshal Timbo Fields) - Combat Operations
Drinkin' Command (Air Marshal Leo Roberts) - 'nuff said
Trainin' Command (Air Vice Marshal Serah Brown) - Showin' how it's done
Showin' Off Command (Air Marshal Robbo Moore) - Makin' it look like we could actually save the country's collective backside.
The F-22 Raptor, one of the MANY planes the FRSAF can't afford to fly.
FSASR
The Farkin' Special Air Service Regiment is the ADF's special forces section. It is generally the only part of the ADF that other countries invite to their wars as it is the only part that is actually trained in combat operations. They are usually deployed for garrison duties. Their training differs slightly from the Army as they play Battlefield 2 with the Special Forces Expansion Pack.
The TB-3, Australia's Primry' Bomb Droppin' Plane from 1965-1984. Here shown dropping Government employees over Disneyland.
MWR
The Man With Rake is undoubtedly the best example of Australian Fightin' Forces. Due to the dangerous nature of the ADF's job, the rake remains sharpened at all times. The title of Man With Rake is misleadin' as there are Three members of this unit. One has a severe Heart Condition and the other just mows the lawn.
Equipment
Australia is one of the largest spenders on defense per capita in the world, though this money isn't spent on equipment (unless overseas manufacturers need an extra $10 billion), since to the government that's a just wasteful, funding is mostly used at defense meetings, which are "discussions" to "modernize" the ADF, lighting cigars and used as kindling. Instead the pittance left over is used to buy second rate equipment, usually stuff salvaged from wars involving the British and Amercians. "Joint Operations" are also a good excuse to steal stuff from the Yanks or the Brits. Duirng the last "Joint Operation", about 200 Australian soldiers armed with stones and clubs, successfully ambushed an American Amoured Regiment, stealing 59 Abrams tanks and some Armoured Recovery Vehicles. Now theirs the problem of supplying munitions for the Tanks. Oh well, time for another "Joint Operation".
If material is purchased, Australia makes sure it has to buy newer kit every couple of years, because there is no-one capable of maintaining it (Uncyclopedia alert, the preceding is a REAL document from the Audit Office!)
The preferred acquisition approach is to by material so modern it doesn't exist yet (or only on paper, with designs by four-year olds who only watch Japanese space-warrior moves), or so useless the DMO (Department of Maintaining Obsolescence) might be able to make it from spare parts originally mothballed by the US military.
In 2007, Australian government have announced a post-modernisation project on their equipment. They are going to spend 12 billion bottles of VB on this project. 50% of the budget would be spent on bows and arrows, 20% on condoms, 10% on paper shields, 5% on table knives for killing (table knives are hardly seen in Australia since Australians don't use any tableware for having their meals), 5% on bribing His Majesty Emperor George III the Retard of Holy American Empire and the rest will be spent on books such as "How to speak English properly without ugly accent?", "Introductory Australian Anthropology: A Zoological Approach" and "Playboy (Kangaroos' Edition)". This project is recently discussed in the House of Whores of the Australian Parliament. Infamous Australian politician Koilie Minogue (probably a mate of Kylie Minogue) says that House of Whores would pass the bill and the budget would be released by the VB Brewery. ADF is looking forward to receive the equipment. However, Reserve Sperm Bank of Australia (RSBA) warn that the project would deteriorate the Australian economy deeply and, therefore, the RSBA are going to reduce the interest rate to -5%. Australian gamblers are happy to hear this since they are likely to borrow more money.
Another new development in Australia's arsenal is the Kangaroo Suicide Bomber (or Sky reddeners as the are affectionately known). Trainers teach them to hop under tanks with a kilogram of C4 in their pouches. However on deployment it was found that the 6 billion dollar project was a failure as they had trained them on the Sherman tank which only is in service in Australia. Thus this destroyed the entire Australian tank force and gave the Iraqis a lot of meat to feed to their peasant armies.
Retrieved from: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Aust … ence_Force
for those interested there is a nz variation
http://www.businesspcs.co.nz/vma/module … #entry4537
~ Blackadder on the Australian Defence Force
The Australian Defence Force was founded in 1962 in response to the Vietnam War, because it was thought that if America lost the war, Australia might need to defend itself from the 'Bad Loser' America. The executives of this organisation is often seen tryin' to extract members from Who Wants to be a Millionaire? to increase fundin'. It employs a full time extortion wing in the Hexagon.
Duty
In its 453,078 page mission statement, the ADF lists its main aims as 'shootin' boat people out of the water' and 'spikin' the New Zealand's water supply'. They regularly shoot people who 'look foreign' and who 'smell funny'.
Often those who try to complain about the faults of the ADF are found the next mornin' in pieces on train tracks with a note sayin' how the ADF does a spiffin' job.
It was stated "Those Damn Indos, stealin' our fish, but nothin' says 'Drop it peasanty!' like an AIM-7 Sparrow missile!!! Ahaa! Ahhh! Oh... ".
FRSA
Motto: "Lest we remember"
The Farkin' Royal 'Straylian Army, is founded in 190 AD by Aboriginal tribes in the east, and was devoted in killin' and huntin' (enemies, of course).
FRSN
Motto: "It's not gay if you're underway"
The Farkin' Royal 'Stralyan Navy is devoted to killin' refugees and being showffs, as you can see from their adverts when they simply hijack the boat loaded with drugs in 15 seconds. Their commander, Vice Admiral 'Crocodile' Johnson is often found washed up on beaches with the words 'I've been mutinied' tattooed on his forehead. He is the single largest user of laser tattoo removal, with Angelina Jolie comin' a close second.
FRSAF
Motto: "Wheres my latte?"
The Farkin' Royal 'Stralyan Air Force, founded in 34BC and commanded by Air Chief Marshal Gazza Smith consists of fifteen squadrons of antique aircraft, from the F-111C Tactical Strike Aircraft to the B-17 Peacemaker Strategic Bomber to the F/A-18 Hornet.
The RRSAF is split into several Commands, each responsible for a separate part of the FRSAF's mission:
Fightin' Command (Air Vice Marshal Timbo Fields) - Combat Operations
Drinkin' Command (Air Marshal Leo Roberts) - 'nuff said
Trainin' Command (Air Vice Marshal Serah Brown) - Showin' how it's done
Showin' Off Command (Air Marshal Robbo Moore) - Makin' it look like we could actually save the country's collective backside.
The F-22 Raptor, one of the MANY planes the FRSAF can't afford to fly.
FSASR
The Farkin' Special Air Service Regiment is the ADF's special forces section. It is generally the only part of the ADF that other countries invite to their wars as it is the only part that is actually trained in combat operations. They are usually deployed for garrison duties. Their training differs slightly from the Army as they play Battlefield 2 with the Special Forces Expansion Pack.
The TB-3, Australia's Primry' Bomb Droppin' Plane from 1965-1984. Here shown dropping Government employees over Disneyland.
MWR
The Man With Rake is undoubtedly the best example of Australian Fightin' Forces. Due to the dangerous nature of the ADF's job, the rake remains sharpened at all times. The title of Man With Rake is misleadin' as there are Three members of this unit. One has a severe Heart Condition and the other just mows the lawn.
Equipment
Australia is one of the largest spenders on defense per capita in the world, though this money isn't spent on equipment (unless overseas manufacturers need an extra $10 billion), since to the government that's a just wasteful, funding is mostly used at defense meetings, which are "discussions" to "modernize" the ADF, lighting cigars and used as kindling. Instead the pittance left over is used to buy second rate equipment, usually stuff salvaged from wars involving the British and Amercians. "Joint Operations" are also a good excuse to steal stuff from the Yanks or the Brits. Duirng the last "Joint Operation", about 200 Australian soldiers armed with stones and clubs, successfully ambushed an American Amoured Regiment, stealing 59 Abrams tanks and some Armoured Recovery Vehicles. Now theirs the problem of supplying munitions for the Tanks. Oh well, time for another "Joint Operation".
If material is purchased, Australia makes sure it has to buy newer kit every couple of years, because there is no-one capable of maintaining it (Uncyclopedia alert, the preceding is a REAL document from the Audit Office!)
The preferred acquisition approach is to by material so modern it doesn't exist yet (or only on paper, with designs by four-year olds who only watch Japanese space-warrior moves), or so useless the DMO (Department of Maintaining Obsolescence) might be able to make it from spare parts originally mothballed by the US military.
In 2007, Australian government have announced a post-modernisation project on their equipment. They are going to spend 12 billion bottles of VB on this project. 50% of the budget would be spent on bows and arrows, 20% on condoms, 10% on paper shields, 5% on table knives for killing (table knives are hardly seen in Australia since Australians don't use any tableware for having their meals), 5% on bribing His Majesty Emperor George III the Retard of Holy American Empire and the rest will be spent on books such as "How to speak English properly without ugly accent?", "Introductory Australian Anthropology: A Zoological Approach" and "Playboy (Kangaroos' Edition)". This project is recently discussed in the House of Whores of the Australian Parliament. Infamous Australian politician Koilie Minogue (probably a mate of Kylie Minogue) says that House of Whores would pass the bill and the budget would be released by the VB Brewery. ADF is looking forward to receive the equipment. However, Reserve Sperm Bank of Australia (RSBA) warn that the project would deteriorate the Australian economy deeply and, therefore, the RSBA are going to reduce the interest rate to -5%. Australian gamblers are happy to hear this since they are likely to borrow more money.
Another new development in Australia's arsenal is the Kangaroo Suicide Bomber (or Sky reddeners as the are affectionately known). Trainers teach them to hop under tanks with a kilogram of C4 in their pouches. However on deployment it was found that the 6 billion dollar project was a failure as they had trained them on the Sherman tank which only is in service in Australia. Thus this destroyed the entire Australian tank force and gave the Iraqis a lot of meat to feed to their peasant armies.
Retrieved from: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Aust … ence_Force
for those interested there is a nz variation
http://www.businesspcs.co.nz/vma/module … #entry4537
