Kurazoo
Pheasant Plucker
+440|7109|West Yorkshire, U.K
Source: From a local Pub Paper: A must read!!

BBQ RULES

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer
while he flips the meat .

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
Thought I'd share it with you guys xD
AussieReaper
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
+5,761|6577|what

You forgot the part about the group of men each commenting on the cooking process and how to improve it, while drinking heavily.
https://i.imgur.com/maVpUMN.png
CammRobb
Banned
+1,510|6555|Carnoustie MASSIF
amen. +1
Ultrafunkula
Hector: Ding, ding, ding, ding...
+1,975|6898|6 6 4 oh, I forget

Tru tru
Lai
Member
+186|6576
Hmmm,.. my family BBQ's tend to deviate slightly from the norm I guess. Still, quite some recognizable points.

One particular BBQ I recall was when I had to stay "on site" with a few colleagues. We stayed in a local bungalow park for the time of the project; me some guy named Tony some (male) senior colleagues a girl I knew and a girl I didn't knew. It went like this:

Me wrote:

Day One:

1) Senior shows POS semi-disposable BBQ
2) Senior and three other guys fail to assemble BBQ
3) Girl and me assemble BBQ
4) I order Tony to light BBQ
5) Girl is vegetarian, dares not touch meat
6) Girl spends rest of evening like rest of life: spoiled
7) I prepare meat
8) Tony fails to light BBQ
9) I bitch at Tony
10) Tony calls for help
11) Tony and "sidekick" fail to light BBQ
12) I light BBQ
13) I cook meat
14) Tony gazes
15) Girl sips drink

That Evening:

16) Tony and I discuss Vivaldi
17) I mention BBQ, advice Tony to try and build fire first, rather than try and light coal with match, and use paper if no wood available
18) Tony concurs

Day Two:

19) I prepare meat
20) Girl sips drink
21) I order Tony to light BBQ
22) Tony lights coal
23) Somehow coal kindles
24) Tony "blankets" halfway decent fire with plastic laminated cardboard
25) Smoke column worthy of Mt. Versuvius errupts
26) I order Tony to remove "blanket"
27) Tony removes "blanket"
28) I light BBQ
29) I order Tony to cook sausage
30) I prepare grilled goat cheese and bacon on toasted bread, for use in salad
31) Tony burns sausage
32) I save other sausage and meat
33) Tony gazes
34) Girl sips drink

Spoiler (highlight to read):
One Month Later:

35) Shit happens
36) Girl's social skills and emotional maturity turn out to be on par with Tony's cooking skills
37) Shit happens
38) Girl and I say goodbye
39) I sip drink
40) I sip drink
41) I sip drink
42) I sip drink,..



bennisboy
Member
+829|7071|Poundland
BBQs do indeed rule!
1927
The oldest chav in the world
+2,423|7098|Cardiff, Capital of Wales

bennisboy wrote:

BBQs do indeed rule!
They do when I do 'em
Locoloki
I got Mug 222 at Gritty's!!!!
+216|7065|Your moms bedroom
I love BBQ's
1927
The oldest chav in the world
+2,423|7098|Cardiff, Capital of Wales
Lai (I aint quoting all that jibber jabber you wrote) but tell me:

The girl is a vegetarian and thus dosen't like meat.  She sipped a lot of drinks which must of gone to her head as her stomach wasn't properly lined.  Did you convert her in taking some meat?  Know what I'm saying fella? Eh? Eh? Yeah you do dontcha? :wink: :wink: :nudge: nudge:
Lai
Member
+186|6576

1927 wrote:

Lai (I aint quoting all that jibber jabber you wrote) but tell me:

The girl is a vegetarian and thus dosen't like meat.  She sipped a lot of drinks which must of gone to her head as her stomach wasn't properly lined.  Did you convert her in taking some meat?  Know what I'm saying fella? Eh? Eh? Yeah you do dontcha? :wink: :wink: :nudge: nudge:
Like I said,.. Tony burned the sausage
Flecco
iPod is broken.
+1,048|7089|NT, like Mick Dundee

1927 wrote:

Lai (I aint quoting all that jibber jabber you wrote) but tell me:

The girl is a vegetarian and thus dosen't like meat.  She sipped a lot of drinks which must of gone to her head as her stomach wasn't properly lined.  Did you convert her in taking some meat?  Know what I'm saying fella? Eh? Eh? Yeah you do dontcha? :wink: :wink: :nudge: nudge:
He asked him knowingly! Say no more say no more!

Whoa... Can't believe these forums are still kicking.
1927
The oldest chav in the world
+2,423|7098|Cardiff, Capital of Wales

Lai wrote:

1927 wrote:

Lai (I aint quoting all that jibber jabber you wrote) but tell me:

The girl is a vegetarian and thus dosen't like meat.  She sipped a lot of drinks which must of gone to her head as her stomach wasn't properly lined.  Did you convert her in taking some meat?  Know what I'm saying fella? Eh? Eh? Yeah you do dontcha? :wink: :wink: :nudge: nudge:
Like I said,.. Tony burned the sausage
Didnt you think about doing a spit?  Did you Hi 5 tone the bone?
1927
The oldest chav in the world
+2,423|7098|Cardiff, Capital of Wales

Flecco wrote:

1927 wrote:

Lai (I aint quoting all that jibber jabber you wrote) but tell me:

The girl is a vegetarian and thus dosen't like meat.  She sipped a lot of drinks which must of gone to her head as her stomach wasn't properly lined.  Did you convert her in taking some meat?  Know what I'm saying fella? Eh? Eh? Yeah you do dontcha? :wink: :wink: :nudge: nudge:
He asked him knowingly! Say no more say no more!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT3_UCm1 … ature=fvst
What a cunt, I'd spark hm straight out and pout my beer all over him and choke him on peanuts.

Flecco - Arn't you too young for Monty Python?
Lai
Member
+186|6576
Seriously though, no. See "spoiler". I did however have some heated debates with her about green v.s. black tea, but neither of us ever managed to convince the other (I was black).
Flecco
iPod is broken.
+1,048|7089|NT, like Mick Dundee

1927 wrote:

Flecco wrote:

1927 wrote:

Lai (I aint quoting all that jibber jabber you wrote) but tell me:

The girl is a vegetarian and thus dosen't like meat.  She sipped a lot of drinks which must of gone to her head as her stomach wasn't properly lined.  Did you convert her in taking some meat?  Know what I'm saying fella? Eh? Eh? Yeah you do dontcha? :wink: :wink: :nudge: nudge:
He asked him knowingly! Say no more say no more!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT3_UCm1 … ature=fvst
What a cunt, I'd spark hm straight out and pout my beer all over him and choke him on peanuts.

Flecco - Arn't you too young for Monty Python?
Warped childhood.

Also happens to have been hugely popular in the various 'clique' thingies I was in during high school.


Proper tea > green tea.


From what I've heard green tea tastes like shit.
Whoa... Can't believe these forums are still kicking.
bennisboy
Member
+829|7071|Poundland

1927 wrote:

Flecco wrote:

1927 wrote:

Lai (I aint quoting all that jibber jabber you wrote) but tell me:

The girl is a vegetarian and thus dosen't like meat.  She sipped a lot of drinks which must of gone to her head as her stomach wasn't properly lined.  Did you convert her in taking some meat?  Know what I'm saying fella? Eh? Eh? Yeah you do dontcha? :wink: :wink: :nudge: nudge:
He asked him knowingly! Say no more say no more!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT3_UCm1 … ature=fvst
What a cunt, I'd spark hm straight out and pout my beer all over him and choke him on peanuts.

Flecco - Arn't you too young for Monty Python?
Its cos his mum likes a good bit of python, if you know what I mean
1927
The oldest chav in the world
+2,423|7098|Cardiff, Capital of Wales

Lai wrote:

Seriously though, no. See "spoiler". I did however have some heated debates with her about green v.s. black tea, but neither of us ever managed to convince the other (I was black).
She shagged Tony?

You had emotions for her?

She turned out to be immature? (look out Tone)

You both went seperate ways/

But you then turned to drink.



Is this what you mean as you've written it in shorthand, no probs with that, but I'm just trying to see whats happened.  Please don't take offence by my questions.
Flecco
iPod is broken.
+1,048|7089|NT, like Mick Dundee

Just to warn you Lai, 27 is a certified member of my creepy bastards list and will probably turn to e-stalking you in the hopes of getting a name and address for the lass you mentioned.
Whoa... Can't believe these forums are still kicking.
1927
The oldest chav in the world
+2,423|7098|Cardiff, Capital of Wales

Flecco wrote:

Just to warn you Lai, 27 is a certified member of my creepy bastards list and will probably turn to e-stalking you in the hopes of getting a name and address for the lass you mentioned.
pmsl, Im already making a note in my den now 'karma Lai every day in hope to get the birds address'

Drat and double drat, I've been rumbled, fuck, its not even summer holidays yet
Lai
Member
+186|6576

1927 wrote:

Lai wrote:

Seriously though, no. See "spoiler". I did however have some heated debates with her about green v.s. black tea, but neither of us ever managed to convince the other (I was black).
She shagged Tony?

You had emotions for her?

She turned out to be immature? (look out Tone)

You both went seperate ways/

But you then turned to drink.



Is this what you mean as you've written it in shorthand, no probs with that, but I'm just trying to see whats happened.  Please don't take offence by my questions.
None taken

ROFL, no she didn't shag tony, I was just taking a piss with the sausage. But yeah I had feelings for her, first girl since years tbh, first girl ever I'd actually been nice too. Really weird shit happened and she showed a side of her I'd never seen before (immature, bitchy, following and copying retarded female friend). It's quite complicated actually, I won't elaborate on that as it would take to long and involves to many people. We had a nice group of friends which I tried to preserve,.. I failed. I tried to talk to her later, how weird circumstances made everyone act different, apologize for any inconvenience I might had caused unintended. She wouldn't give an inch, other than that it sucked, preferred to create her own reality, twists facts to maintain the illusion, believes in it herself. I guess she'd always done that, but it never mattered on an every day scale, now it did. Told her if she'd ever need me for anything, she'd know where to find me, and that was it. One friend stuck with me, the others probably never even knew what happened, but I never saw them much again. I trashed my study (not going to finish it either), spend one year sipping and took the plane to the Russia (I still had to finish some work experience and the farther away the better).



On topic; elementary school summercamp.

Marshmellows

1) All kids roast marshmellows on self cut sticks
2) Skinny kid uses self cut trident to roast up to 6 marshmellows at the time
3) Rather obese Turkish kid called Halil proclaims to be conaisseur
4) Halil takes his time
5) Halil achieves perfectly caramalized crust with soft core marshmellow
6) Halil is proud and boasts
7) Halil moves perfect marshmellow to mouth
8) Halil fails to notice opposite side of marshmellow bright abalaze
9) Marshmellow enters Halil's mouth
10) Halil screams
1927
The oldest chav in the world
+2,423|7098|Cardiff, Capital of Wales
Count yaself lucky you got away from the nutter, sounds like a future bunny boiler
Mekstizzle
WALKER
+3,611|7045|London, England
bunny boiler eh..
bennisboy
Member
+829|7071|Poundland

Mekstizzle wrote:

bunny boiler eh..
Yeah, I thought this was a barbeque! No boiling going on here!
Lai
Member
+186|6576
She wasn't only a vegetarian, she had a bunny as well. I had to be real carefull not to say anything nasty about bunnies. I once picked her a field bouquet using a shellcasing as a vase, that was epic XD

Quite a lucky escape indeed though. Weird shit included:

https://img199.imageshack.us/img199/9365/72006363.jpghttps://img198.imageshack.us/img198/659/65750197.jpg
Mekstizzle
WALKER
+3,611|7045|London, England
I had to be real carefull not to say anything nasty about bunnies
I bet there were so many situations where you felt like letting out your true emotions for bunnies

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