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CONFIDENTIAL
October 17th, 1976
Re: Human Enrichment & Testing Initiative, Resource Acquisitions
1. "Low Risk" Human Resource Acquisitions
a. Hoboes and Tramps
Lives spent wandering aimlessly, cowering before authority, and drinking
concussive amounts of home-distilled potato alcohol make hoboes the perfect
Human Enrichment test subjects. The hobo questions nothing, will follow orders
if fed, and, like all hoboes, has a restless, wandering heart. (Note: The
wandering heart of the hobo should not be confused with Drifting Heart
Syndrome, which several transients contracted during testing.)
b. Child Orphans and Foundlings
Deep-rooted abandonment issues leave most orphans highly susceptible to
shame-based psychology (for a complete list of opportune moments to obliterate
the esteem of test subjects, please consult Training Video #89-D, "You'd
Perform This Test Better if You Had Parents"). Recent advances in the use of
scorn, flattery used in an ironic context and naked contempt as motivational
tools have yielded similarly profitable results.
c. Psychiatric Patients
Past experience shows these fellows are simply not shy at all about carrying
on, disrupting tests and defecating just about anywhere that pleases them.
Frankly, itís off-putting, and small wonder why Aperture-brand mental
institutions are being phased out in favor of more orphanages.
d. Seniors
Frail, brittle hands make holding science devices difficult. Most were born
before the advent of science, and can become confused and disoriented when
asked to participate in relatively simple tests (teleportation, invisibility,
adjusting esteem levels of orphan children).
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MEMORANDUMS: Filed under CJohnson: 1085839-G
This one's important, folks, so no skimmin'. Cave Johnson here, your boss and
founder of Aperture Science?the best damn applied sciences company on Earth.
How good is the science here? Get a load a? this: as of this morning, I am
dead!
Now, yer probably askin? yourself, "Cave, come on now, how is this possible?
Are you some manner of Dracula? Or Frankenstein? Or dependin? on yer cultural
heritage, a Blackula or Latin Frankenstein?"gh632jj3
ksjdo sir! It's science. Thanks to our diligent Aperture engineers, I am
writin' memos to you today, literally, from beyond the grave! Furthermore I'd
l#ke t5o inf))))m 34verybody wePPPPPing a blue shi%%$rt today th32232t y*u
@##re f)*# TF FFs0&^t ##f gd fghDFRt 665 ^ $%& 4%^^$. ZSFGS D FGsd5 E$
5^57&w$% &6&778*$ 4^77 r6ty u$65####################3
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And more:
http://forums.steampowered.com/forums/s … ?t=1170018
Last edited by Spidery_Yoda (2010-03-02 04:58:44)
