So I'm driving my car down the highway the other day and I pass a billboard that catches my eye. This ad was bright pink, and featured a picture of some sort of ethnic looking baby with a name that was humanly impossible to pronounce correctly. The baby apparently had expired, because a time line was placed below the message "Don't shake your baby!" This message was clear: this could have been a real baby.
I pulled over, then took a moment to compose myself. It seems that the baby loving liberals in Washington want to take away my god given fucking right to a vigorous baby shaking. Am I now to also assume that when I see a newborn I can no longer ask the parents "She's beautiful...may I shake her?" Maybe in this baby's land of origin baby shaking is a popular sport, or some sort of religious right. It's another culture, people...we can't judge.
Besides, who the fuck are they to tell me how to parent my baby. You put your baby to sleep your way, I'll do it mine. What if i drop some drugs or something down it's mouth? Can I not flip it over and shake them free? How am I supposed to get all this shit out of it pants? How do I make it stop moving and making noise so I can watch the fucking playoffs? This new rule presents way more problems then it solves.
I urge you to write you local congressman, and demand the right to shake the shit out of your baby. If God didn't want it, he would not have made them so shakable.
Thank you.
I pulled over, then took a moment to compose myself. It seems that the baby loving liberals in Washington want to take away my god given fucking right to a vigorous baby shaking. Am I now to also assume that when I see a newborn I can no longer ask the parents "She's beautiful...may I shake her?" Maybe in this baby's land of origin baby shaking is a popular sport, or some sort of religious right. It's another culture, people...we can't judge.
Besides, who the fuck are they to tell me how to parent my baby. You put your baby to sleep your way, I'll do it mine. What if i drop some drugs or something down it's mouth? Can I not flip it over and shake them free? How am I supposed to get all this shit out of it pants? How do I make it stop moving and making noise so I can watch the fucking playoffs? This new rule presents way more problems then it solves.
I urge you to write you local congressman, and demand the right to shake the shit out of your baby. If God didn't want it, he would not have made them so shakable.
Thank you.
