I've never seen and Harry Potter movies, nor have I read any of the books. However, I have met the fans of series. I dedicate my first piece of fan fiction to them, as I am sure they shall enjoy it. I present to you:
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stones
Harry knew that he should not place much trust in the seemingly kind old wizard Leviticross. His teeth were as crooked as the peaks of Ashroneth, his hair as wispy and frail as a mogoloth tree, and his wizard van was missing a fender panel and two hubcaps. He would sit with baited breath, awaiting the bells of dismissal spell to proclaim the days end at Hogwarts Elementary from behind the curtains of the old, rusted out wizard van. Harry would take the rear exit at Hogwarts on these days, just to avoid the piercing gaze of the elderly spell caster.
However, for what ever reason, their paths were destine to intertwine on the fateful day of Frogstone, the 44th. It was on this day that Harry was riding his broom to the wizard store, for some wizard shit. Suddenly and without warning, the evil bully Morgian appeared to his left, riding his sturdy unicorn stead.
"You're a little bitch Harry," Mogian proclaimed.
"Give me your wizard credits, or I'm gonna smite the shit out of you."
"No Morgian, leave me alone. I'm not giving you my credits anymore," Harry protested.
"What are you gonna do Harry? Cast another one of your faggoty little spells on me? You suck harded than a Brothelspeck sucking lizard," cursed Morgian. "Last chance, Dildo - give me the fucking credits, or take your smiting!"
Tears began to stream from Harry's eyes, and his wizard robes damped from fear urine. He gritted his teeth and turned his head, preparing for the inevitable backlash of his bitch-like manner. However, the blow never landed. In it's place he heard a thunderous voice project "Ashlandavar! Invictous propolacticus!"
When Harry turned his head to see what commotion was occurring, he witnessed Morgian being struck with a Lvl. 4 lightning spell with +7 humiliation damage, striking him from his stead. As he watched Morgian topple into the Mudpuddle of Brownsuldoff, Harry felt a great satisfaction overcome him. Morgian, now covered in mud and shame, began to wail. Harry quickly dismounted his broom, and with swift intent kicked Morgian in the scrotum.
A thunderous laugh appeared from behind, and the source of the lvl. 4 lightning spell appeared. Leviticross stepped forth from his van, and began to ruffle young Harry's hair.
"Thanks, Mr. Wizard," muttered Harry. "That asshole was gonna pound me."
A pained grin appeared on the old wizards face. "No thanks are needed, my young, supple lad," announced the wizard. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I guess so," said Harry. "Say Mister, that's a pretty sweet wizard painting on the side of your van!"
"Thank you," proclaimed the wizard. "I airbrushed it myself. But stop with that 'Mister' business. Call me Unkie Liviti!"
"Ok, Unkie Leviti," said Harry.
"Say here boy, your wizard robes are all soaked with fear urine! Allow me to escort you home in my van," proclaimed Leviticross.
"I don't know, Sir," said Harry, suddenly taken with nervous anticipation. "I'm not supposed to ride in vans with pedophiles."
"It's alright, Harry," said uncle Leviti. "I have puppies inside...and loads of wizard candy, for your soft, pouty lips!"
"Well shit, you should have said you got some fucking candy in the first place," said Harry, grinning with anticipation. With this statement, he leaped into the 1974 Ford.
After that old wizard cast the ruffius spell on him, Harry did not remember much about the events that transpired within the confines of that old Ford Van. However, from that day forward, Harry shed his boyhood moniker, in favor of a new one.
"Call me Harold, now," Harry would proclaim. "Now, I am a man."
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stones
Harry knew that he should not place much trust in the seemingly kind old wizard Leviticross. His teeth were as crooked as the peaks of Ashroneth, his hair as wispy and frail as a mogoloth tree, and his wizard van was missing a fender panel and two hubcaps. He would sit with baited breath, awaiting the bells of dismissal spell to proclaim the days end at Hogwarts Elementary from behind the curtains of the old, rusted out wizard van. Harry would take the rear exit at Hogwarts on these days, just to avoid the piercing gaze of the elderly spell caster.
However, for what ever reason, their paths were destine to intertwine on the fateful day of Frogstone, the 44th. It was on this day that Harry was riding his broom to the wizard store, for some wizard shit. Suddenly and without warning, the evil bully Morgian appeared to his left, riding his sturdy unicorn stead.
"You're a little bitch Harry," Mogian proclaimed.
"Give me your wizard credits, or I'm gonna smite the shit out of you."
"No Morgian, leave me alone. I'm not giving you my credits anymore," Harry protested.
"What are you gonna do Harry? Cast another one of your faggoty little spells on me? You suck harded than a Brothelspeck sucking lizard," cursed Morgian. "Last chance, Dildo - give me the fucking credits, or take your smiting!"
Tears began to stream from Harry's eyes, and his wizard robes damped from fear urine. He gritted his teeth and turned his head, preparing for the inevitable backlash of his bitch-like manner. However, the blow never landed. In it's place he heard a thunderous voice project "Ashlandavar! Invictous propolacticus!"
When Harry turned his head to see what commotion was occurring, he witnessed Morgian being struck with a Lvl. 4 lightning spell with +7 humiliation damage, striking him from his stead. As he watched Morgian topple into the Mudpuddle of Brownsuldoff, Harry felt a great satisfaction overcome him. Morgian, now covered in mud and shame, began to wail. Harry quickly dismounted his broom, and with swift intent kicked Morgian in the scrotum.
A thunderous laugh appeared from behind, and the source of the lvl. 4 lightning spell appeared. Leviticross stepped forth from his van, and began to ruffle young Harry's hair.
"Thanks, Mr. Wizard," muttered Harry. "That asshole was gonna pound me."
A pained grin appeared on the old wizards face. "No thanks are needed, my young, supple lad," announced the wizard. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I guess so," said Harry. "Say Mister, that's a pretty sweet wizard painting on the side of your van!"
"Thank you," proclaimed the wizard. "I airbrushed it myself. But stop with that 'Mister' business. Call me Unkie Liviti!"
"Ok, Unkie Leviti," said Harry.
"Say here boy, your wizard robes are all soaked with fear urine! Allow me to escort you home in my van," proclaimed Leviticross.
"I don't know, Sir," said Harry, suddenly taken with nervous anticipation. "I'm not supposed to ride in vans with pedophiles."
"It's alright, Harry," said uncle Leviti. "I have puppies inside...and loads of wizard candy, for your soft, pouty lips!"
"Well shit, you should have said you got some fucking candy in the first place," said Harry, grinning with anticipation. With this statement, he leaped into the 1974 Ford.
After that old wizard cast the ruffius spell on him, Harry did not remember much about the events that transpired within the confines of that old Ford Van. However, from that day forward, Harry shed his boyhood moniker, in favor of a new one.
"Call me Harold, now," Harry would proclaim. "Now, I am a man."
