It's been a while since I've made a guide so I decided I had better get off my fat ass and write one. What better to write about than what I do best? Be an asshole. Now the thing is, 60% of people will hate you, but 40% will love you for it and everyone know's 40 is a much cooler number than 60. 60 means your old and can't get a boner anymore, 40 means your old and ugly, but still have enough money to fuck a 20 year old and lie to your wife about it. At least thats what my dad taught me, but thats beside the point. The first thing about being an asshole you need to know is it's all about me and to hell with everyone else. You will find this concept rewarding throughout your life. You think Bill Gates got to be the richest man on Earth by giving away copies of Windows for free because he's a nice guy? Hell no! He said, "$150 a copy, and if they don't like it they can go fuck a goat!" Now he is the richest man alive and has a hot wife, in other words Bill Gates pwnt world.
The same concept goes for BF2. Being an asshole is rewarding, in both points and in personal satisfaction. Here I will list some techniques in which you can be an asshole.
The Medical Bills
Lets say you are running around a huge battle as a Spec Ops guy. Now, you aren't getting alot of kills and everyone around you is dying and all the enemy tanks and jets and ot.,hdh........ Well, it looks like a plane crashed on your head and you are now dead. But what is this? A medic? He revives you, which is good and all, however, why does this shithead get to get points and you get to die? Engage Asshole Mode. As soon as the cocksucker revives you, put a bullet in his head and take his kit. Teabag him for added effect. Then proceed to revive everyone within a hundred yards and then return to revive the first medic. You took 10 points away from him and now he doesn't get to rev people anymore more. GG Fag.
Air Traffic Control
This works best when someone you know is an admin on a server. Are you tired of all the cluster and idiots standing around on the deck of the carrier? Tired of people failing at trying to fly? Tired of the lack of action on deck? Have your admin friend pull up his console. While he is doing this, secure a spot in the deck gun of the Essex and let your admin friend know when you are in. Now, most admins have the ability to make certain players swap teams, they also have the ability to swap players without killing them. Have your friend swap you to Chinese and VIOLA, Chinese man in the deck gun killing your peoples. Anyone who shoots back will get Team Vehicle Damage and a TK if they kill you. The deck will turn into the present day version of Apocalypse Now. Continue to do this until the rest of your new team can arrive and join in on the porno gang bang ass-rape studio that is now the carrier.
Faulty Airbags
Ever been in a situation where you really wanted the plane, but at the same time, really wanted a Mountain Dew? Cougar suggests Claymores. On a FF=on server, be sure and plop a claymore on the nose of the jet facing the would be pilot so once he gets in the dashboard will explode in his face and kill him. Sitting in the Co-pilots seat is a great view for this. Also be sure to type something like "WTF dumb ass!! Can't you see the skull and crossbones?!" for added effect.
Stop Being Stingy
Anytime a medic or support player comes up to you and trys to give you a bag......shoot them in the face. Take their kit and drop as many bags around the body as possible then pick your old one up. Make sure the dead guy can see you doing it. This way if anyone runs over the dead body, teabags it or tries to revive it, they will probably pick these bags up and VIOLA your -4 points has gone away.
Seats Taken, Can't Sit Here
Get a transport vehicle, preferably a Vodnik. Pull away from the group of people and wait for someone to run out to you trying to get a ride. Wait until the last possible second before they can get in and then drive away honking your horn. Drive down the road a bit then turn around. Come back full speed and run over the guy from earlier while still honking your horn. Getting out to teabag is optional.
This Is Your Captain Speaking
Grab the pilots seat in a Blackhawk or SkyCow and fill the bitch all the way up with people. Take off and fly along the edge of the map, then when you are in the middle of nowhere get on the VoIP and say:
"*sscchhhh* This is your captain speaking, due to weather problems in the LZ we have been diverted to Germany. Sit back and enjoy the flight."
Then fly out of bounds as quickly as possible and fly as far out as fast as possible until everyone in the chopper dies. Repeat as many times as you can get in the pilots seat.
The English Teacher
Grab commander. For the entire length of the game, just sit back and read the book "Little Women" over the VoIP. Also yell at people for making grammatical errors while typing in the chat.
Reading from the Bible also works well for pissing people off.
Suicidal Soldier
Jump in front of every friendly vehicle possible. EVERYTHING. Do what ever you can to force tk's. Then when people ask you why you are doing it tell them that you have been deployed to this stupid Wake Island place for over a year and everyday the battle looks exactly the same and you just want to end it all to be with your parents and dog in heaven. Then cry over VoIP.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Type WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW over and over again, so that you clog up everyones screen with W's.
More to come later. My fingers hurt now.
The same concept goes for BF2. Being an asshole is rewarding, in both points and in personal satisfaction. Here I will list some techniques in which you can be an asshole.
The Medical Bills
Lets say you are running around a huge battle as a Spec Ops guy. Now, you aren't getting alot of kills and everyone around you is dying and all the enemy tanks and jets and ot.,hdh........ Well, it looks like a plane crashed on your head and you are now dead. But what is this? A medic? He revives you, which is good and all, however, why does this shithead get to get points and you get to die? Engage Asshole Mode. As soon as the cocksucker revives you, put a bullet in his head and take his kit. Teabag him for added effect. Then proceed to revive everyone within a hundred yards and then return to revive the first medic. You took 10 points away from him and now he doesn't get to rev people anymore more. GG Fag.
Air Traffic Control
This works best when someone you know is an admin on a server. Are you tired of all the cluster and idiots standing around on the deck of the carrier? Tired of people failing at trying to fly? Tired of the lack of action on deck? Have your admin friend pull up his console. While he is doing this, secure a spot in the deck gun of the Essex and let your admin friend know when you are in. Now, most admins have the ability to make certain players swap teams, they also have the ability to swap players without killing them. Have your friend swap you to Chinese and VIOLA, Chinese man in the deck gun killing your peoples. Anyone who shoots back will get Team Vehicle Damage and a TK if they kill you. The deck will turn into the present day version of Apocalypse Now. Continue to do this until the rest of your new team can arrive and join in on the porno gang bang ass-rape studio that is now the carrier.
Faulty Airbags
Ever been in a situation where you really wanted the plane, but at the same time, really wanted a Mountain Dew? Cougar suggests Claymores. On a FF=on server, be sure and plop a claymore on the nose of the jet facing the would be pilot so once he gets in the dashboard will explode in his face and kill him. Sitting in the Co-pilots seat is a great view for this. Also be sure to type something like "WTF dumb ass!! Can't you see the skull and crossbones?!" for added effect.
Stop Being Stingy
Anytime a medic or support player comes up to you and trys to give you a bag......shoot them in the face. Take their kit and drop as many bags around the body as possible then pick your old one up. Make sure the dead guy can see you doing it. This way if anyone runs over the dead body, teabags it or tries to revive it, they will probably pick these bags up and VIOLA your -4 points has gone away.
Seats Taken, Can't Sit Here
Get a transport vehicle, preferably a Vodnik. Pull away from the group of people and wait for someone to run out to you trying to get a ride. Wait until the last possible second before they can get in and then drive away honking your horn. Drive down the road a bit then turn around. Come back full speed and run over the guy from earlier while still honking your horn. Getting out to teabag is optional.
This Is Your Captain Speaking
Grab the pilots seat in a Blackhawk or SkyCow and fill the bitch all the way up with people. Take off and fly along the edge of the map, then when you are in the middle of nowhere get on the VoIP and say:
"*sscchhhh* This is your captain speaking, due to weather problems in the LZ we have been diverted to Germany. Sit back and enjoy the flight."
Then fly out of bounds as quickly as possible and fly as far out as fast as possible until everyone in the chopper dies. Repeat as many times as you can get in the pilots seat.
The English Teacher
Grab commander. For the entire length of the game, just sit back and read the book "Little Women" over the VoIP. Also yell at people for making grammatical errors while typing in the chat.
Reading from the Bible also works well for pissing people off.
Suicidal Soldier
Jump in front of every friendly vehicle possible. EVERYTHING. Do what ever you can to force tk's. Then when people ask you why you are doing it tell them that you have been deployed to this stupid Wake Island place for over a year and everyday the battle looks exactly the same and you just want to end it all to be with your parents and dog in heaven. Then cry over VoIP.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Type WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW over and over again, so that you clog up everyones screen with W's.
More to come later. My fingers hurt now.
