BF2S Forums A bovine lesson in political science

I searched; Sorry if this is old, but I just thought I'd share. Enjoy.


A Lesson in Political Science

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.


REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage
his cow.


COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with
milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.


CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and breed a herd of cows.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program, the government pays
you to shoot one and milk the other.
They then pour the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an
IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four
cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating
you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike to reduce the hours spent milking
them.
You believe the American government has self-
milking technology but won´t share.
You blame George W. Bush.


JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded
trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them to be blond, drink lots of beer,
give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles
an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of
vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they
are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You drink some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You drink some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over all the cows you
really have.


TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are
two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US
government to find alternatives to milk production
but use the money to buy weapons.


IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.


POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed
attempting to milk them.


BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other
times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish
cow'smilk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.


FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one
best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for a white cow that is not even
on the ballot.
Some people can't figureout how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
which one is the best-looking cow.


CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most were brought to California illegally.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.