RoosterCantrell
Goodbye :)
+399|6923|Somewhere else

WARNING! this is a personal PERSONAL QUESTION from me that is long and possibly boring for you, but wanted to ask anyone willing to read and had some thoughts.  I am asking here because  some/alot of BF2s Forum members are one of my good sources of sound advice (yes im serious) and and ideas I never think of.

I posted on here about things going on with my girlfriend once before.  Something new has come up, and I respect the BF2s community's intelligence (more so than alot of my IRL friends, actually) and wanted to get a few opinions. I have pretty much decided, but figure an oustide point of view would be inciteful. Here we go.

Ok, So I've dated this girl for about a year and a half, we rarely fought, and always talked our few fights out.   There is very few things about her that I dislike, very minor things. 

But recently, we broke up.  We lived together almost a year, but she went to college.  She wanted to move away from where we lived together, which , really is a crime filled, incredibly boring shithole.  She also wants to travel alot.  Maybe wants marriage, doesn't want kids, for a long time if ever. 

We broke up because I was being an EMO filled negative minded turd.  I realize that now.  I made a few comments about how traveling costs money, and that I have a well paying, but not good, job that moving away from would be hard.

MY job pays $15 dollars an hour which for this rural area (shithole) is pretty good. Give you an idea, Rent is only $400 dollars a month.

Anyway, she assumed that I didn't want to leave the area or travel to far off places, her two biggest dreams.  So she dumped me.  But we have been talking through E-mails, and we both have a hard time communicating by talking verbally, but through text, we've worked out alot.

So, as it is looking right now, I may end up moving down to college with her.  But, I will have no income, I may be stuck with a shitty gas station job for a year or so.  She said that if we get back together, she wants me to go back to school, maybe a tech school.  My current job is building guns, which is hardly a really widespread useful skill.  Plus, the fucking Governor of Illinois is anti-gun and doing his best to take my job.  So, unless i want a shit job for my life, I should go to school.  It's a good idea and I think that it would be smart to do so.

She came home from school, which is about 5 hours away, and we talked alot.   She says she has a fear of commitment but realizes it.  She is going to school to get her Master's and is smart as hell (probably smarter than I am, honestly) and good looking.   

Right now, I have only 850$ in TOTAL debt, once that's gone, I only have monthly living expenses.

I hate this area, but love my friends I have here. My family is pretty much non existant.   I have tried to look at this from every angle, from the outside of emotions, but still have a very few but still some doubts. 

It comes down to on the plus side, Im getting away from this Meth City, and living with this incredible girl and seeing the country, maybe the world.   Living somewhere new and more exciting, and possibly getting an education for a decent job in the future.  We share the same, really odd sense of humor, we both are really good with money and live a pretty frugal, but comfortable, lifestyle and we both are not comfortable with the idea of children, which most other girls I have met want.

On the negative, She has a fear of commitment and it kinda makes me nervous.  I am leaving a job that can support me for no income at all.  I have a medical condition that occasionally needs check ups to ensure I don't have possible cancer (which is incredibly unlikely, but still needs occasional attention).  With no medical insurance, uhmmm. 

What it comes down to is that I have always taken the safe route in life. Never taking much risks, because risks always pwn me eventually.  But, living like that really doesn't reward anyone.  So I'm pretty much sold on the idea of packing up and heading there, I figured I'd ask yous alls for some thoughts.

I am about out for the night, but I respect and will read answers whenever I get online. Even if you say "Stick in her ass" I guess i will consider it.
Paco_the_Insane
Phorum Phantom
+244|7088|Ohio
First: Heck yes you should do it. It seems like life where your at right now is pretty much a dead end, but if you do it theres no telling how awsome life could be. And you shouldnt be worried about her fear to commit. If you care for her, and show it, she wouldnt be afraid of the commitment. That was my Dr. Phil minute for tonight.
Second: Stick in her ass
agent146
Member
+127|6830|Jesus Land aka Canada
ohh boy.... ummm gee i dont' know what to say. she wants to go live the big life and travel around the world. she is in college getting a degree and i will assume you don't. only a 15 dollar job. by leaving you have nothing no job. and no shit travelling cost money. feeling selfish todayi say "i look out for myself" and i need a job to support myself and my living expenses and my house,  so i am sticking to where i am. ......but sticking where you are you claim to hate it. ya....the safe road or the risky road ....but the risky road has more new routes and they will branch off for new options....ya

Last edited by agent146 (2007-07-08 21:24:02)

Yaocelotl
:D
+221|7093|Keyboard
PRO's:

- You'll be closer to her.
- Sort things out live (no emails, text messaging).
- You'll get to know each other better (because of your not-same-income condition).

CON's:

- If something bad happens (and I hope not) you will be on your own were you don't know anyone.
- NO INCOME.

Other than those reasons that I put, it's all up to you. But if you feel that you are unsure don't go because you will fail. Always do anything with the confidence of conquering/accomplishing any task, if not, don't hassle.

I hope that I could be of some help to you. I wish the best for both of you.
jsnipy
...
+3,277|6966|...

Don't get under the financial thumb of a woman, ever.
ThaReaper
Banned
+410|7083
Stick it in her poo hole, she wont know what hit her.
Parker
isteal
+1,452|6838|The Gem Saloon
wow man, thats a big one.


first, know that you can either live your life as an adventure, or just live your life.
second, even if down the road you and her dont make it for whatever reason, at least you know that you put everything into it.
third, when i moved to san antonio i was scared shitless. i have always lived in stl, and knew nothing else.....im so glad i didnt listen to my emotions when i made that move, because it changed me for the better.


the job thing.......that can be sketchy sometimes, but you will be able to find one that offers benefits.....just be prepared for some hard times ahead cause moving isnt cheap by any means.



anyway man, whats life without some adventure?


hope everything works out for the best, and keep us up to date.
mtb0minime
minimember
+2,418|7098

I'd say hang around your town for a little while longer. Pay off your debt first and then save up as much money as you can, as well as sell any possessions you don't need. Once you have a decent amount of money saved up as a failsafe, go live with her and go back to school and find a part-time job. School is important, and with a girl like her that wants you to go back to school, it'll be easier than if you were doing it alone. She'll motivate you and get you to do well. The fear of commitment thing is a toughie, a real big toughie. If she's scared of being committed, why does she want you to come with her? It's taking a huge risk on your part, leaving your hometown and your great job, but if she means that much to you, then you should go with her.

Also, here's a great piece of advice / quote, that I really like:
"It's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done."

So it'd be better to regret moving off with her and going back to school and leaving your job, then to stay where you are doing the same old thing and regret not moving off with her.
Smithereener
Member
+138|6759|California
I'd say go for it. Risk free is nice, but if something were to come along, (i.e. governer finally gets rid of your job) you'd be screwed over. So basically, it isn't exactly risk free. It's worth going back to school because you'll probably be able to find a job that will probably give you better pay and benefits. Plus, learning something new is always nice. Since you'll be closer to her, you'll be able to iron out problems better. Travelling and going around is another bonus too. I'm pretty sure your standard of living and happiness will only improve if you decide to do this. Good luck on your decision though.
chittydog
less busy
+586|7278|Kubra, Damn it!

For god's sake, leave the crappy town and go to school. If you and this girl have what it takes, then your rewards will last the rest of your life. Even if you don't, at least you got the hell out of "Meth City". I'm guessing you're both still pretty young. In my vast, worldly experience, I'd say her fear of commitment is a non-issue. By the time you're old enough to consider making a real commitment, I'll bet you dollars to dimes she'll be well beyond that. Let's break it down this way, what are the pros and cons of you going?

Pros:
You get to be with this girl
You get an education and get a job that pays much better than what you have now
You get to experience much more of life
You get to live in a much better environment
If things do work out with her and you eventually have a family, you won't have to raise kids in a drug filled shithole

Cons:
You won't see your friends as much
You may have trouble affording your medical checkups

The pros heavily outweigh the cons. Let's examine the cons, anyway. If your friends are true friends, they'll be happy to see you move on to better things, even if you don't get to hang out as often. This leaves the medical problem as the only true issue. You can budget for this to make sure you have the cash to make it. If you're in school, there's usually a campus physician or a dept of med students you can see either for free or for a decent discount. Also consider that you said you may lose your job now, so you may be facing this same issue regardless of whether you go or not.

To me it sounds like going to this girl and getting into school is the only true option. I hope whichever you choose works out well for you. Good luck, Roost!
Kmar
Truth is my Bitch
+5,695|7044|132 and Bush

Are you prepared to spend your whole wondering what if? It's a personal decision that could have some bad consequences either way.  You just don't know. Welcome to life, enjoy the ride.
Xbone Stormsurgezz
RoosterCantrell
Goodbye :)
+399|6923|Somewhere else

Yeah, thanks for the words.  Like I said, Im pretty sure im going to do it.  Almost dead sure. 

I ask just because I have alot of friends who are fucking miserable because they committed to horrible women.   One guy I know lives with a girl with a child that is not his, he makes all the hosue payments on a house he bought because SHE hated to rent, She has no job, sits at home and smokes pot watching digital cable HE can barely afford.

I  decided to ask because, I lover her immensly, but also realised, through witnessing, that "love" can really blind you.

I have a few months to get shit organized, she actually called me a bit ago and told me she wanted me to move immediately, but yeah, finances.  I guess I'll be pulling some over time to get things going.

EDIT: I'd Karma it up, but I gave it all away for the day.

Last edited by RoosterCantrell (2007-07-08 21:56:40)

BeerzGod
Hooray Beer!
+94|7013|United States
I am a firm believer in trying to live my life without fear or regrets. It's a hard thing to do, and it takes time to train your brain, but the benefits are above and beyond. It sounds like you have/had a very good thing with this girl, and not something you should readily discard or throw away. Everyone has a fear of committment. Everyone.

If she didn't want you to come with her then she never would have asked you in the first place (Unless she was just being nice and didn't really want you to come... which I highly doubt). The first thing you need to do is make sure she really wants you in her life, and if she really wants you to move to college with her. Once you know the true answer to that then everything else is cake. By the way you describe your situation it sounds as if you have a real chance to do something with your life, and you shouldn't pass these kinds of chances up. Do you really want to be sitting in the same place you are right now in four... five... ten years, working the same job in the same shit hole, and wondering what your life might have been like if you had left when she wanted you too? Thinking about that might make you sick to your stomach because it would me.

The way I see it, in bottom-line terms, is that you are in a win-win situation. You could either take a chance and move away from the shithole in which you live now, move to her city, go back to school, get a decent part-time job, and possibly make a fantastic future for yourself (It's not going to be easy by any means, but if you have the desire to succeed and be happy in life, then a couple years of struggle is quite a small price to pay), OR you could end up in a new place with a failed relationship and mediocre job which barely supports you... which sounds a lot like the place you are in right now (Minus the -failed relationship- part). So even if you failed, at least you took a chance.

Ranting aside this is my personal opinion:
1. Find out if she truely wants you to come. If no, well then you won't have to worry about anything. If yes, then make sure you let her know just how far you'll go to make this work.
2. Work overtime, or find another job. Work your ass off for 2-3 months and save up as much money as you can. And I do mean work your ass off. Don't buy anything you don't need, and sell off any possessions that are easily replaced.
3. Pay off any debts you have, say goodbye to friends/family and make that step.
4. Enjoy and be happy that you are taking a step that might possibly change your life for the better.

All of this is much easier said than done, and can only be accomplished by you and your desire. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do! (Except for choosing to remain in the drug-infested shithole of a town where you currently live)
agent146
Member
+127|6830|Jesus Land aka Canada

jsnipy wrote:

Don't get under the financial thumb of a woman, ever.
lol i wanted to say that also but did not have the guts so it in my first post. well there is nothign wrong with a woman making a bit more money then you but if you have nothing and she was everything...thats a different story. the point is that you must be able to support yourself financially; thats a biggie.
BVC
Member
+325|7139
Go for it.  Pay off your debt, save as much as you can before you move, and be prepared to take a shit job to start out with.  If you decide to go back to school, think about what you want to study; if you want to stay with her, a skill you can take with you will help a lot!  Temping agencies may be able to help you find employment until your course starts.

And whether or not you stick it up her arse is up to you...but personally, I rate it below normal sex and even below a good BJ.
sergeriver
Cowboy from Hell
+1,928|7201|Argentina

RoosterCantrell wrote:

It comes down to on the plus side, Im getting away from this Meth City, and living with this incredible girl and seeing the country, maybe the world.   Living somewhere new and more exciting, and possibly getting an education for a decent job in the future.  We share the same, really odd sense of humor, we both are really good with money and live a pretty frugal, but comfortable, lifestyle and we both are not comfortable with the idea of children, which most other girls I have met want.
You already answered your dilemma.  If you decide to stay with her, you'd leave this boring place, you'd live with the girl you like, you'd know new places, you'd get a better education.  My only advice here would be, if you like this girl that much and you make all those sacrifices for her, talk to her about commitment.  Don't scare her but you need to know you are not leaving your security world for nothing.  If you stay there, and lose her, you'll find yourself down in a hole.
GATOR591957
Member
+84|7070
Bottom line is you need to do what is best for YOU!.  She sounds like a very intelligent woman because she is telling you to go to school to better yourself.  She is right, but you shouldn't need her to tell you that.  I am 50 years old.  I can tell you from experience to eliminate all the "what if's" you can.  I.E. What if I went back to school.  You need to determine what you what to do in life.  I'm not sure making guns for a living is what you really want to do by the sounds of it.  Sometimes your best decisions come down to taking a chance.  True friends will remain your true friends whether in this town or 5 hrs. away.
Braddock
Agitator
+916|6734|Éire
Travel as much as you can when you are young, I'd hate to think what my life would be like if I'd stayed in my rural hometown ...I may move back someday, who knows ...but to have never left would've driven me to the business end of a noose! See the world and enjoy life, even if it leads you on a different path altogether from your (ex) girlfriend.

And remember the old Irish maxim 'work to live, don't live to work'!
Bruce-SuperNub
SuperNoob
+26|6593|Scotland

Paco_the_Insane wrote:

First: Heck yes you should do it. It seems like life where your at right now is pretty much a dead end, but if you do it theres no telling how awsome life could be. And you shouldnt be worried about her fear to commit. If you care for her, and show it, she wouldnt be afraid of the commitment. That was my Dr. Phil minute for tonight.
Second: Stick in her ass

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