Kaosdad
Whisky Tango Foxtrot?
+201|7126|Broadlands, VA
Friends, if you ever see this bottle:
https://www.davesgourmet.peachhost.com/ct_idaui.JPG

I urge you - back away, find the fastest car available, and get the frak out of there.........

Today KaosMum and I went to California Tortilla Factory for lunch (it's a taco/burrito semi-fast-food place that makes very good stuff).  We each got two soft tacos, chips & queso sauce.  CTF is famous for their "Wall O' Hot Sauce" carrying 100 different sauces for you to use.  After getting our order I went to The Wall and grabbed a bottle of my favorite CTF sauce: XXX Pain & Suffering (don't let the name fool you, it's a very nice hot sauce with more flavor than heat - but the dominatrix on the front label is damned hawt!!!!!)  I applied the sauce liberally to both soft tacos.

As I was rather hungry I chowed into taco #1 (approaching left to right), chomped up a nice bite and washed it down with a swig of ice cold cola.

This is where Satan appeared on Earth,  dove into my mouth and ignited himself into full flame.



As the bolus rocketed tword my waiting gut my lips bust into flame and began to blister.  The soft tissue of my mouth was immediatly converted to napalm and ignited.  My eyes began to sweat uncontrollably and mucus flowed from my nose in quantities unseen since Vesuvius.  Upon entry to my stomach the wad of firery death burst into a ball of ignited thermite, at this point the trail of tears left behind as the Little Boy decended made itself painfully obvioust as my esophogus (what the hell ever) ignited like pospherous.

I grabbed a random napkin and tried to wipe the alien vomit-acid from my mouth .  For the next 10 minutes I resisted passing out, vomiting and screaming obscinities.  After KaosMom mentioned the stream of sinus goo emitting from my nose I grabbed o-randon-napkin (OK - yes, the same freakign one) and tried to restore some dignity to my upper lip.  Sadly, this resulted in Dave's sauce being introduced to my nose.  Did you know that snot flows backwards?

Having my mouth closed was painful.  However, my sinuses had made the executive decision to close up and disallow ANYTHING to pass, so I had to breath thru my mouth.  This introduced air to the equasion re-igniting the napalm.  I had now gone thru a full 32oz of cold cola.  At about this time my upper GI (mouth, throat, stomach) sent  an urgent message sto my lower GI ( small intestine, large intestine, colon & rectum).  As a result of this message the small intestine began to quiver uncontrollably while everything else simply began to close up.

After 20 minutes KaosMum was finished with her meal - we made a bee-line to the Cold Stone Creamery for a small cup of chocolate ice cream was used to extinguish the remaining flames.  However, I was still dizzy, the events of the mornign were completely erased from memory, and the visit to the men's room ( 3.5 hours later) was NOT fun.  My right thumb is sore as sauce made its way under the nail and my stomach is swollen to at least 2x its normal size.

Oh, and why did all of this happen????  A previous patron put a bottle of Dave's in the place of my XXX.  Damn him.  Damn him to hell.
Gooners
Wiki Contributor
+2,700|7079

lmfao

you should have drank some milk, it's like a fire extinguisher
Uzique
dasein.
+2,865|6917
Haha, a good read. +1.
libertarian benefit collector - anti-academic super-intellectual. http://mixlr.com/the-little-phrase/
jsnipy
...
+3,277|6969|...

What a weird coincidence ...
https://img370.imageshack.us/img370/6799/hotsauce002zg7.jpg
argo4
Stand and Deliver
+86|6380|United States
haha that's a great personal essay
Mekstizzle
WALKER
+3,611|7068|London, England
KaosMexicanCousinwhoalsoworksatthefactorythatmakesthatsauce won't be so impressed with your inability to handle it
Kaosdad
Whisky Tango Foxtrot?
+201|7126|Broadlands, VA

jsnipy wrote:

What a weird coincidence ...
http://img370.imageshack.us/img370/6799 … 002zg7.jpg
AAAAAAAHHHHH FUCCCCCCCKKKKKK  GETITAWAYFROMMENOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


ARGH!   MY COLON!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!

i'm melting....melting....
Poseidon
Fudgepack DeQueef
+3,253|6984|Long Island, New York
Meh. That'd probably be nothing for me. You ever been to Buffalo Wild Wings? I can down several of their hottest flavored wings with no problem.

Hot sauce is the greatest shit on earth. And Vermont Atomic Habanero = win.

I could probably drink the stuff that made you cry. I'm a TRUE American!
Cheez
Herman is a warmaphrodite
+1,027|6885|King Of The Islands

jsnipy wrote:

What a weird coincidence ...
http://img370.imageshack.us/img370/6799 … 002zg7.jpg
I too have condiments placed on my mouse pad for no apparent reason at all.
My state was founded by Batman. Your opinion is invalid.
david363
Crotch fires and you: the untold story
+314|7186|Comber, Northern Ireland
for some reason i got a bottle of budwiser wing sauce in my house, its gooood, but back to srsbsns what exactly are buffalo wings? now the discovery chanel might be wrong here but im pretty sure they dont fly.
cowami
OY, BITCHTITS!
+1,106|6736|Noo Yawk, Noo Yawk

david363 wrote:

for some reason i got a bottle of budwiser wing sauce in my house, its gooood, but back to srsbsns what exactly are buffalo wings? now the discovery chanel might be wrong here but im pretty sure they dont fly.
lol'd

buffalo wings are chicken wings covered in spicy spicy goodness, named for the city they were invented in, buffalo, NY
https://i.imgur.com/PfIpcdn.gif
13rin
Member
+977|6926

Poseidon wrote:

Meh. That'd probably be nothing for me. You ever been to Buffalo Wild Wings? I can down several of their hottest flavored wings with no problem.

Hot sauce is the greatest shit on earth. And Vermont Atomic Habanero = win.

I could probably drink the stuff that made you cry. I'm a TRUE American!
I'll go ahead and call bullshit on you.  You've obviously never had the pleasure of eating something laced with Daves.  But go right ahead and 'drink it'.  Film it for us all too.
I stood in line for four hours. They better give me a Wal-Mart gift card, or something.  - Rodney Booker, Job Fair attendee.
david363
Crotch fires and you: the untold story
+314|7186|Comber, Northern Ireland
yeah! drink my sauce bitch!
Poseidon
Fudgepack DeQueef
+3,253|6984|Long Island, New York

DBBrinson1 wrote:

Poseidon wrote:

Meh. That'd probably be nothing for me. You ever been to Buffalo Wild Wings? I can down several of their hottest flavored wings with no problem.

Hot sauce is the greatest shit on earth. And Vermont Atomic Habanero = win.

I could probably drink the stuff that made you cry. I'm a TRUE American!
I'll go ahead and call bullshit on you.  You've obviously never had the pleasure of eating something laced with Daves.  But go right ahead and 'drink it'.  Film it for us all too.
Probably not, but I've probably had hotter than that. Dave's is 180K on the Scoville unit scale...I think the hottest I've ever had was called 357 something. I can't remember. I wasn't going through the convulsions that the OP was though.

Obviously when I say drinking it I'm being facetious, but I HAVE taken shots of multiple types of lower grade hot sauces (lower than Dave's, that is).
Roc18
`
+655|6237|PROLLLY PROLLLY PROLLLY
I've had similar experiences with Hotwings. Except I wanted to eat them and I knew that death sauce was all over it. The worst part isnt it going in, it's it coming out.
LividBovine
The Year of the Cow!
+175|6826|MN

DBBrinson1 wrote:

Poseidon wrote:

Meh. That'd probably be nothing for me. You ever been to Buffalo Wild Wings? I can down several of their hottest flavored wings with no problem.

Hot sauce is the greatest shit on earth. And Vermont Atomic Habanero = win.

I could probably drink the stuff that made you cry. I'm a TRUE American!
I'll go ahead and call bullshit on you.  You've obviously never had the pleasure of eating something laced with Daves.  But go right ahead and 'drink it'.  Film it for us all too.
You are mistaken...I will vouch for Pussydon here.  I love hot food and Dave's insanity sauce is not the end all be all hot sauce.  Not even close in my opinion.  He is actually correct that the hottest wings at Buffalo Wild Wings is a bit hotter.  I have eaten both, and yes I have drank Dave's insanity sauce.  It is hot, but it is not so bad for a true hot freak.

Roc18 wrote:

I've had similar experiences with Hotwings. Except I wanted to eat them and I knew that death sauce was all over it. The worst part isnt it going in, it's it coming out.
That is why you drink the milk and eat the celery with the blue cheese dressing, they extinguish the fire before the exit.

Last edited by LividBovine (2008-11-23 16:19:53)

"The President does not have power under the Constitution to unilaterally authorize a military attack in a situation that does not involve stopping an actual or imminent threat to the nation" - Barack Obama (a freshman senator from Illinios)
jsnipy
...
+3,277|6969|...

Cheez wrote:

jsnipy wrote:

What a weird coincidence ...
http://img370.imageshack.us/img370/6799 … 002zg7.jpg
I too have condiments placed on my mouse pad for no apparent reason at all.
While the reason might not be apparent, there is one none the less. I'll have a snack at the computer sometimes. Sometimes I like to put hot sauce on said snack, bite for bite so I don't miss any of the flavor. Having said that, I only use this hot sauce for self defense against would be intruders who actually make it to the office. So you see Aussie, there was a reason.
Poseidon
Fudgepack DeQueef
+3,253|6984|Long Island, New York

LividBovine wrote:

DBBrinson1 wrote:

Poseidon wrote:

Meh. That'd probably be nothing for me. You ever been to Buffalo Wild Wings? I can down several of their hottest flavored wings with no problem.

Hot sauce is the greatest shit on earth. And Vermont Atomic Habanero = win.

I could probably drink the stuff that made you cry. I'm a TRUE American!
I'll go ahead and call bullshit on you.  You've obviously never had the pleasure of eating something laced with Daves.  But go right ahead and 'drink it'.  Film it for us all too.
You are mistaken...I will vouch for Pussydon here.  I love hot food and Dave's insanity sauce is not the end all be all hot sauce.  Not even close in my opinion.  He is actually correct that the hottest wings at Buffalo Wild Wings is a bit hotter.  I have eaten both, and yes I have drank Dave's insanity sauce.  It is hot, but it is not so bad for a true hot freak.
Pussydon? Well hey, you know what they say, you are what you eat.



But yeah, Buffalo Wild Wings hottest feels like nothing for me. Each time I've been there (I've only been twice lol) the waitresses look at me like I'm on crack. I love it.
iNeedUrFace4Soup
fuck it
+348|6992
Try some of this.
Blair's 16 Million Reserve
Scoville Units: 16 Million
https://img227.imageshack.us/img227/9656/blairs16millionbl3.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/jM2Yp.gif
LividBovine
The Year of the Cow!
+175|6826|MN
I get a dozen hottest ( Blazin') and a dozen of the third one down the list (Mango Habenero).
"The President does not have power under the Constitution to unilaterally authorize a military attack in a situation that does not involve stopping an actual or imminent threat to the nation" - Barack Obama (a freshman senator from Illinios)
Poseidon
Fudgepack DeQueef
+3,253|6984|Long Island, New York

LividBovine wrote:

I get a dozen hottest ( Blazin') and a dozen of the third one down the list (Mango Habenero).
I get a dozen of the Blazin' and a dozen of the Hot (which feels like mild to me).

Mild might as well not have any hot sauce on it at all.

Their onion rings are also fucking .
jsnipy
...
+3,277|6969|...

LividBovine wrote:

I get a dozen hottest ( Blazin') and a dozen of the third one down the list (Mango Habenero).
my favorite
Runs_with_sciss0rs
Well butter my buscuit
+121|6639|14072

cowami wrote:

david363 wrote:

for some reason i got a bottle of budwiser wing sauce in my house, its gooood, but back to srsbsns what exactly are buffalo wings? now the discovery chanel might be wrong here but im pretty sure they dont fly.
lol'd

buffalo wings are chicken wings covered in spicy spicy goodness, named for the city they were invented in, buffalo, NY
Any chicken wings outside of Western New York suck dick. I've had them on a cruise, in Florida, and in PA, and they are baked with breading and no hot sauce... Chicken wings need to be deep fried and swimming in hot sauce to be good.
Cheez
Herman is a warmaphrodite
+1,027|6885|King Of The Islands

jsnipy wrote:

Cheez wrote:

jsnipy wrote:

What a weird coincidence ...
http://img370.imageshack.us/img370/6799 … 002zg7.jpg
I too have condiments placed on my mouse pad for no apparent reason at all.
While the reason might not be apparent, there is one none the less. I'll have a snack at the computer sometimes. Sometimes I like to put hot sauce on said snack, bite for bite so I don't miss any of the flavor. Having said that, I only use this hot sauce for self defense against would be intruders who actually make it to the office. So you see Aussie, there was a reason.
No reason. No reason at all.
My state was founded by Batman. Your opinion is invalid.
jsnipy
...
+3,277|6969|...

Cheez wrote:

jsnipy wrote:

Cheez wrote:


I too have condiments placed on my mouse pad for no apparent reason at all.
While the reason might not be apparent, there is one none the less. I'll have a snack at the computer sometimes. Sometimes I like to put hot sauce on said snack, bite for bite so I don't miss any of the flavor. Having said that, I only use this hot sauce for self defense against would be intruders who actually make it to the office. So you see Aussie, there was a reason.
No reason. No reason at all.
true, i was just stoked to see someone mention it.

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