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2025-08-28 14:08:29
uziq
Member
+540|3942
jesus f u c k i ng christ.

help me understand this ... after having multiple conversations about the need to 'ignore the cat' when it gets up at anti-social hours.

she slips out of bed this morning at like 5:30am (the cat is pawing at its door as it usually does).

i get up to find her on the balcony, outside, playing with the cat.

i'm like 'what is going on here? i thought we understood, as all the advice unanimously agreed, that the cat needs to be ignored until its the *right* hours for us. all you're doing is reinforcing its wrong behaviour'.

"i was snoring all night and kept waking you up, so i thought i'd get up early".

'yes but the advice literally says to do your own thing and ignore the cat until it's the *right time* that we want to establish.'

silence.

i am literally just wasting my time here. bashing my head against the wall. she must have toxoplasmosis.

Last edited by uziq (2025-08-28 14:17:28)

2025-08-28 14:21:10
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+2,084|7262|PNW

admittedly, i've played with cats on passing while getting up at balls 30 or some other ungodly hour. it's not a regular thing, and something i've never conditioned them to expect.

new cats have pawed at my door. i mostly ignore it. when it doesn't produce reliable results, they don't bother. i've been told before that they stand in the hallway staring at it like the grady sisters.

https://oyster.ignimgs.com/wordpress/stg.ign.com/2020/07/the-shining-grady-twins.jpg

if she's up at 5am playing with the cat, at least it's not waking you up with cat noise?

i do give attention to some meows. after awhile of being in the company of cats, you learn to distinguish between the tonalities of "i'm bored" and "i have a rat in my mouth and don't know what to do with it and if someone doesn't come out to see, i will disembowel it on the carpet." i'm up, i'm up already!
2025-08-28 14:26:26
uziq
Member
+540|3942
the problem is the cat is miaowing constantly at the crack of dawn, 3:30-5:30am, almost every night and that noise is unignorable. we can hear it in the bedroom. it also means i can never have any guests to stay because they will sure as hell hear it in the area they're expected to sleep and exist in, too. the cat is determining the entire household's schedule with this 'dawn playtime' thing.

the occasional 5am-7am early start, i'm fine with. we're two working adults, some days start that time naturally.

but going straight to the cat as soon as it begins its morning theatrics is the fucking opposite of training the thing in any meaningful way.

all the sleepless nights and this is basically what i'm contending with. 'i'll get an expert in'. she's sat there indulging the cat!
2025-08-28 14:46:19
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+2,084|7262|PNW

unrelated to the cat stuff, i have had more devices ask me to "update" or "finalize setting up" my account this week than in all of 2025 combined. why do you need an update? i've already set up my account. i'm not giving you more information. stop asking me every time i boot my pc or start up my phone or whatever. it makes one yearn for the 80s when being attached at the hip to some annoying electronic device was the problem of stockbrokers, doctors, and high-powered execs.

now, not even a lowly accountant can get away without being called on the weekend with some emergency problem ironically exacerbated by chronically dated business operations not taking advantage of tech that we do have that is supposed to ease these burdens. "guys, i'm on the other side of the state." "can't you just drive back and check?" "boss, you literally live two blocks away from the office."

there's a blurry line where the business world collectively crossed over from "'ah, they're not picking up.' 'that's fine, we'll take care of it on monday'" to "log in and do this now, it needs to go out tonight by at least 7:20 pm," fun saturday.

but going straight to the cat as soon as it begins its morning theatrics is the fucking opposite of training the thing in any meaningful way.
agreeeed

Last edited by unnamednewbie13 (2025-08-28 14:50:22)

2025-08-28 14:58:54
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+2,084|7262|PNW

cont'd: i leave my workspace for five seconds and the phone rings.

https://c.tenor.com/nR6qtqHkxRgAAAAC/tenor.gif

now i get to go driving in the traffic at 3pm while enduring criticism for not immediately picking up or returning calls while i'm on the highway. yeah sorry i'm not going to stare at my phone 3 out of 5 seconds on the road like you. terrifying stuff.
2025-08-28 18:57:18
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+668|4209
Have you considered drugging the cat? Don't kill it. But instead give it a CBD gummie.
https://greengruff.com/cdn/shop/files/RELAX-jar-front.png?v=1721920357
Start off with small doses so you don't overly drug the cat and panic the girlfriend. Eventually build up until you are knocking the cat out with CBD before bed.
https://i.imgur.com/xsoGn9X.jpg
2025-08-28 18:58:25
RTHKI
mmmf mmmf mmmf
+1,746|7227|Cinncinatti
I learned my audio fucking up is Windows fault. So thanks Microsoft
https://i.imgur.com/tMvdWFG.png
2025-08-28 18:59:16
uziq
Member
+540|3942
we literally have got CBD oil for it. we add it to the last feed of the day before locking it away.

her own suggestion, not mine, i don't fuck with any of that stuff and didn't even know CBD pet treats were a thing.

the problem is their relationship. the spoiling and indulging. the total lack of common sense and consideration. 'oh let's play with my cat at 5am'. i cannot train her cat. i barely exist to the animal; it recognises me only when i'm giving it treats or a pat on the head. she has to take this 'make the cat compatible with other human occupants' thing seriously. and instead she's in la-la land. she is totally counter-productively teaching her cat to associate the morning mewling and scratching at doors with 'mommy will come and give me playtime!'

Last edited by uziq (2025-08-28 19:00:11)

2025-08-28 19:21:38
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+668|4209
https://i5.walmartimages.com/seo/Leyeet-Cat-Muzzle-Breathable-Cat-Hood-Adjustable-Kitten-Astronaut-Transparent-Helmet-Prevent-Cats-Biting-Chewing-Grooming-Cat-Bubbles-Mask-Aggressive_ad906874-865a-4758-82bb-dd21c24ab18e.b1ab8739ee24f093711e8bb5135cef5e.jpeg?odnHeight=768&odnWidth=768&odnBg=FFFFFF
https://i.imgur.com/xsoGn9X.jpg
2025-08-28 19:26:35
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+2,084|7262|PNW

https://64.media.tumblr.com/08493b05d8f9c0be755abf717f419ed3/tumblr_mq0s8jmtxM1qc21pjo1_250.gif
2025-08-29 02:41:00
Dilbert_X
The X stands for
+1,829|6596|eXtreme to the maX

uziq wrote:

we literally have got CBD oil for it. we add it to the last feed of the day before locking it away.

her own suggestion, not mine, i don't fuck with any of that stuff and didn't even know CBD pet treats were a thing.
Never heard of CBD, Melatonin is fairly normal and I think a better option - check with your vet.
https://www.webmd.com/pets/pet-meds/melatonin-dogs-cats
https://www.pawcbd.com/blogs/posts/mela … to-use-it?

the problem is their relationship. the spoiling and indulging. the total lack of common sense and consideration. 'oh let's play with my cat at 5am'. i cannot train her cat. i barely exist to the animal; it recognises me only when i'm giving it treats or a pat on the head. she has to take this 'make the cat compatible with other human occupants' thing seriously. and instead she's in la-la land. she is totally counter-productively teaching her cat to associate the morning mewling and scratching at doors with 'mommy will come and give me playtime!'

Dilbert_X on literally page fucking one wrote:

its invariably about educating the owner, not the cat
OK so the issues are:

Cat is spoiled and habituated to certain things.
This can be fixed, if done right the cat will be confused and peeved for a short while but ultimately perfectly fine and better off.
Be careful it doesn't slip into neurotic behaviour, fixating on something else, seeing one person in its home as a danger etc.
Cats are as adaptable as they are scheming and it should be a case of learning different behaviour to get what it wants.

Your partner has indulged and over-bonded with the cat but may not see it that way.
Some people over-bond, personalities become blurred, the cat becomes a surrogate baby so crying elicits an automatic maternal response etc.
People with traumatic childhoods tend to over-bond, covid was traumatic to most people.

The cat is an adult cat now, being treated like a kitten isn't good for it.
If you're going to bed at 1am is this disruptive to the cat's sleep pattern? It might not be helping.

Maybe finding someone your partner has faith in to consult with and give you, I mean the cat, a plan would be productive.
You'd probably need to build up some confidence in the person first.

Can you get her to watch Jackson Galaxy past episodes to start absorbing that there's a problem?
And that it can be worked out.
Fuck Israel
2025-08-29 02:45:13
uziq
Member
+540|3942
the cat typically gets put to bed around 11pm. it spends most of the day (especially if she is out at work) napping on the chair, so it doesn't seem unreasonably late to put it to bed. she normally plays with it for a solid 15-20 minutes before 'winding down' time so that it's tired out, too. seems like quite a structured pattern. we ourselves go to sleep an hour or two later because we chill out together as far away from the cat and its wants as possible. at present it's being ceremonially sealed in its own tomb every night.

she has started watching some random american reality tv show about nightmare cats and feuding couples, etc. almost heartwarming - and totally unsurprising - to see that many, many other men have been in my position before.

she is having a video-call with a 'professional' tomorrow to explain the lay of the land, a sort of first consultation. i was so angry at the seeming total reversion/flopping to the norm this morning that i demanded she take concrete steps and instate a plan, starting, like NOW.
2025-08-29 02:54:22
Dilbert_X
The X stands for
+1,829|6596|eXtreme to the maX
I have trained the current cat to give me two minutes playtime if she wants her night-time snack.

Knocking over my beer and flicking the TV remotes off the table was solved quite quickly.
Now the little horror naps in another room until its bed time, its funny watching her head to the food cupboard then remember its playtime first, trot to the rug and flop down.
Fuck Israel
2025-08-29 02:57:24
uziq
Member
+540|3942
i wish i could actually take charge and effect some change myself. but the cat is bonded to her and has had barely any exposure to any other human beings. in her last place, which only they shared together, the cat would normally retreat to under the bed if she had any guests around at all - even her sisters. the cat is not very socialised around other people/animals. so no chance of me teaching it anything.

i think that's part of my anger and frustration. i'm just continually being woken up and i'm at the mercy of whatever the hell occurs between her and her pet.
2025-08-29 03:03:57
Dilbert_X
The X stands for
+1,829|6596|eXtreme to the maX
You get no benefit from tolerating the cat and a lot of downside. This would be annoying.

I know that the homework would be for you to spend more time feeding and playing with the cat and develop a functional relationship, and your partner to stop indulging it.

If the cat is napping all day and waking you up at 4am the cat probably needs more activity during the day - thats somewhere in the standard recommendations.
Fuck Israel
2025-08-29 03:29:09
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+668|4209
Propose marriage to the girl and tell her it is conditional on rehoming the cat with the helpless sister.
https://i.imgur.com/xsoGn9X.jpg
2025-08-29 03:29:47
uziq
Member
+540|3942
more than anything, this has basically occupied front-and-center of a whole lot of my 2025 so far. i'd really rather be spending my energy and efforts on other things, at this point. not groundhog day with a feline. progress seems non-existent, and really at this point i've just lost patience and i think she's being rather irresponsible and selfish.

deciding to have quality time with your (loud, needy, remonstrating) cat at the crack of dawn is nice and all, but it's really not cricket if you're cohabiting with anyone, whether it's a partner or a housemate or some randomer you found on craigslist. by indulging the cat at that time, you're creating future problems. it's really no different from a housemate waking up and deciding to blast their music at 5am, much to the detriment of everyone else sharing the space. the end effect is the same. i know the cat isn't some dumb object, with no will of its own, but it is a fairly predictable creature – pattern-based, as you said. and it seems like she just lacks all consideration and responsibility when dealing with her pet.

if she's out all day and the cat is apathetically wandering around the flat, i do try to play with it, give it some small treats, let it out on the balcony and sit with it for a bit (mostly for fear that it'll fall prey to l'appel du vide and cat-splat the sidewalk ... that would be a difficult conversation, and i'd have to dodge some serious accusations; possibly lawyer-up; but i digress ...). but i make an effort basically, when i could just crack on with my work or hobbies and neglect its entire existence. i don't think it's any more bored or understimulated than any other apartment cat in a place like tokyo or seoul (which may not be saying much, but whatcanudo, etc.)

Last edited by uziq (2025-08-29 03:31:33)

2025-08-29 03:31:12
uziq
Member
+540|3942

SuperJail Warden wrote:

Propose marriage to the girl and tell her it is conditional on rehoming the cat with the helpless sister.
we're already engaged. foolishly, before i tried long-term cohabiting with the cat. as i said before, i thought managing allergies was the main task. not dealing with an insanely disruptive animal. i've never let an animal dictate or disrupt my lifestyle in my entire life. it was incomprehensible to me before i found myself in this situation. a part of me is still in disbelief at just how long and chronic this has been. if i had it my way, this thing would have been shanghai stir fry'd a long time ago. i'm solutions-oriented.

needless to say, in the last few months when we should have been building on our relationship and taking steps forward, we have been stuck on her fucking animal, wearing one another down and having explosive arguments. it's one big human waste.

Last edited by uziq (2025-08-29 03:34:42)

2025-08-29 03:37:42
uziq
Member
+540|3942
also lol @ your karma mac.

just to be abundantly clear: i would never actually hurt someone's pet. i know that would be psychopathic, insofar as it would seriously hurt another human being.

i just mean i would never allow myself to get into a situation where an animal had such dominion over me. i'm just not a pets guy, and would never succumb to that slippery slope. there's a whole waterpark of slippery slopes out there i'm too busy visiting.

the whole idea of being in a position to make a home in a dream place/location, but then being like ‘b-b-b-but, what about the animal?!’ is literally incoherent to me. it’s nonsensical. pets are about on a level of importance as choosing a belt buckle for the day.

Last edited by uziq (2025-08-29 03:44:44)

2025-08-29 09:09:16
KEN-JENNINGS
I am all that is MOD!
+2,993|7122|949

KEN-JENNINGS wrote:

Samsung pushes new UI update -> phone reacts by constantly freezing, randomly resetting-> phone decides to factory reset itself -> locked out of numerous apps i can't remember passwords for.

Discord is the current frustration. Never had the discord desktop app. Registered with my phone number. Either my phone is blocking the SMS messages from discord, or someone managed to switch the phone number on my account. Discord won't help because the email I'm emailing from isn't registed to the account...no email is registered to the account. I asked discord support to acknowledge whether or not the recovery phone number is the same as the account - no answer. At this point I just want my account disabled so no one can access it if I can't.
Ended up having to buy a new phone. Pretty dumb

 

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